


Metanoia

by mxnlitelixir



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Break Up, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Substance Abuse, Underage Drinking, idk a lot of it is sad kinda near the middle/end, most of the relationships are kinda just hinted at this is rlly just a davekat story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxnlitelixir/pseuds/mxnlitelixir
Summary: Metanoia(n.) the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 30
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is pretty short, but don't worry they'll get longer. I plan for this to be quite a lot of chapters! It's got a pretty lengthy plot, so I hope you guys will like it. This fic is heavily Davekat but the other tagged relationships will be mentioned throughout the story. There is a lot of angst, but the bigger topics of angst will come more near the end/middle of the story, I'm not sure yet. I have a plot, but not the entire plot. I just am figuring out the ending, so I am not exactly sure just how long this story will be. I will try to update as much as possible and as soon as possible. Things like color guard, school, and my home life will eventually end up getting in the way of progression so bare with me! I do not plan to ever leave this story unfinished. I will make sure I get to the end of the story and not leave you guys on a permanent cliffhanger. I'm going to do my best to communicate like the characters, but some points may sound a little out of character, if they do, please say something so I can fix it in the future! :)

Karkat had obviously felt weird being the new kid in the town he grew up in. He had already recognized some familiar faces on the drive to his new house, which to him was still a little unsettling. Just the thought of having to see the kids he knew when he was a kid all grown up made his skin crawl, but it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be. At least he could finally hang out with his two best friends again, instead of being hours away from them. Though, their new friends seemed really fucking strange, or at least the ones he had heard about. Some girl who was into guns, and then another who was into wizards. Fucking wizards. Who the fuck would be into wizards?

It wasn't something he didn't expect though. Terezi and Sollux were both weird themselves. Sollux can barely be fucking dragged away from a computer unless his girlfriend needed something and Terezi was still obsessed with plush dinosaurs and made strings of really confusing statements. Karkat remembered just going along with her stupid conversations, or just simply telling her that he had no fucking idea what she was talking about. Regardless of either of those points he was really excited to see them. He hadn't seen them since he had moved, it was too far away for any of them. But now Karkat was back, and today was the first day of the school year. They were sophomores now, Terezi had already turned 16, if she still had her vision she would have already gotten her license. Neither Sollux or Karkat were 16 yet, but they soon would be in the span of a few months. He couldn't wait for that day, it would almost be like heaven to have that amount of freedom. He had already had his permit since his 15th birthday and was rather good at driving; except for the expected road rage.

Moving on from the topic of birthdays. Karkat stared out of the window of his older brother Kankri's car. He was set up with the job of taking Karkat to school, even though Karkat profusely insisted that he could just walk. Thank god today his brother was quiet, he could not handle going through one of his pointless lectures on triggers or other stupid fucking nonsense. He watched out the window, seeing trees blend together into different shades of green. It was pretty cloudy out, the sun peaked through a bit at points, but it was mostly a sky of grey. Karkat saw the school building in the distance, a bit of anxiety welling up in his stomach. God, he prayed he had some classes with Terezi or Sollux. When they reached the front of the school, Karkat hopped out of the car, shutting the door before Kankri could bid him farewell. Sure enough, there was his two best friends waiting outside the school for him.

For now, it was just them, which he was extremely grateful for. Before he knew it, the short haired girl was running up to him, wrapping her arms tight around him, laughing almost maniacally. "Fucking hell Terezi!" He yelped out at her, she didn't care though, even lifting him off the ground for a second before letting him go. 

"Welcome home Karkat," Terezi grinned.

"How did you even know I was there? Aren't you fucking blind now or some shit?"

"I am offended, and flattered. You know there are other ways to see besides eyesight, right?" Terezi stated rhetorically. She had an accident shortly after Karkat had left town and ended up losing her vision. He had assumed she would be more cautious about where she went, but maybe she had really adjusted to her disability.

"Sup," He heard Sollux's voice pop up, and then soon after sharing a fist bump. "I saw Kankri was driving, how was that ride?" He questioned sarcastically, thinking he already knew the answer.

"Surprisingly quiet, he didn't say a fucking word." Sollux seemed to be just as shocked as Karkat was.

"Impossible."

"That's what I thought too, maybe that's one of Gamzee's stupid fucking miracles he's always talking about." Karkat scoffed a bit. God, as much as he would like to see Gamzee, he was really glad he moved to the other town up north. Even the thought of listening to his spiel on miracles and shit made he want to slam his head against a wall. 

Karkat's comment received a snicker from his two friends as they started to walk into the building.

"So what's your first class?" Sollux asked, directing his question to Karkat.

"Fucking Algebra," Karkat groaned, math was always a subject that he rarely understood.

"Oh! That means you might have a class with Dave," Terezi chimed in.

Karkat raised a brow at her, not that she could really see that he did though, "you mean that kid in the sunglasses you always fucking talk about?"

"That's the one!"

"God, this might be more of a nightmare than I thought." Karkat was aware that it was bad to have an opinion on someone you had never met, but he didn't really fucking care. As far as he was concerned, he already did not like this kid. He did the same kind of shit Terezi always does, and he only tolerates her shit because they are childhood friends.

"Oh come on Karkat, he's a cool guy!"

"'Cool guy' my ass. From what you've told me, he's basically just a more extreme version of you: that is truly a fucking nightmare." 

Terezi rolled her eyes under her red glasses, "okay grumpy ass, but when you notice he is totally one of the coolest guys you've ever met, don't tell me I didn't tell you."

"Too bad you'll never see that day coming."

"Oh, haha, a blind joke? Really?"

Karkat groaned yet again, "It is a figure of speech you dipshit."

Terezi laughed at him for a second, giving herself a moment for her laughter to die down before speaking up. "Welp, I missed ya Karkles."


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is me when i literally dont know how to write as canon characters, i had to look at the actual fucking comic just to get a feel for how they talk, even though i literally have read homestuck last night and have spent the past two weeks reading it. i am really out here huh? anyway time to develop the plot so i can get to the good fuckin angsty shit. shit will get fuckin REAL. also there is conveniently a rhetoric device called Metanoia so you bet ur ass we are MILKING that shit

"Oh come on Karkat, just join our fucking group!" Terezi raised her voice, to which made Dave snicker a bit. 

They had been assigned an english project in their fifth period class. Karkat had already had the dreadful first interaction with Dave during his first period class. It went along the lines of 'oh hey aren't you Terezi's friend?' followed by a 'fuck off,' and then silence. But now there was no way to avoid him. There was no way Karkat was going to join anyone else, he didn't know anyone else. So with a long, frustrated groan he moved over to one of the desks closer to the two kids.

Dave really thought he was hot shit, that was for sure. It was so obvious that he was completely blinded by his ego, and it didn't help that Terezi was constantly feeding it more. Karkat had honestly began to think she had a thing for him. Though, he never asked so she might actually have something for him. How moronic. It was such a pointless thing, what did she see in him? His whole cool kid act is so lame, all his constant talk about ironic bullshit and his elongated metaphors and stupid fucking explanations: what was so great about him?

"Earth to Karkat!" Terezi was snapping her fingers in front of his face now, making him snap out of his train of thought.

Dave seemed to just sit there as he watched Terezi try to regain Karkat's attention. "What were you so focused on anyway? We have serious business to attend to," Terezi spoke up again, giving Karkat an eyebrow of confusion.

"Nothing, what the fuck are we even doing?" Karkat scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back into his seat.

"This project, y'know, the one we just got explained to us?"

"Well I wasn't listening," Karkat rebutted.

"God, of course you weren't," She gave a sigh, then began re-explaining the project, "it's supposed to be a poster about rhetorical analysis, it's like shit we learned in the eighth grade. It should be real easy."

Karkat nodded along as Terezi explained, giving a small glance towards Dave. God, what kind of loser wears sunglasses inside? How does he even fucking see shit!

"We have to work on it outside of class, so I just thought we should work on it after school," Terezi stated afterwards.

"Great, having to spend the afternoon with you two sounds closer to hell than anything I could ever think of." The frustrated boy replied, but did not really receive any kind of reaction out of the two. They both seemed kind of careless, they definitely did not give a single fuck about what the smaller boy had just said.

"Yeah, sounds cool," Dave's shoulder shrugged as he spoke up. Karkat had not taken into consideration just how light his hair was. He had honestly wondered if it was dyed. It was barely even blonde, closer to white than another shade of yellow. Maybe it suited him? Maybe that was just his style or something. He also wore a ton of fucking red, like a LOT of red. The only thing that didn't have red on it was his jeans which were black. It was a little obvious red was his favorite color. Karkat had no doubt in his mind that it was his favorite color.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer."

Karkat looked up at a completely smitten Dave with a smirk plastered on his face. Karkat hadn't actually realized he was staring at him. Karkat sneered at the other boy, "Fuck off Strider!"

"Oh, pulling out the last names now huh?" 

"Don't worry, that's just what he does when he's head over heels for some hot dude," Terezi snickered, which cause Dave to give a small laugh with her.

"Oh my fucking god, shut the fuck up Terezi!"

Karkat's face was undoubtedly red, a mixture of frustration and embarrassment from this horrible ordeal. God, Karkat's initial opinion was right, he fucking hated Dave Strider: especially combined with Terezi. Their stupid fucking jokes were so annoying already, but with each passing minute they seemed to climb the echeladder of dumbassery. When they were done with their little laugh, all Karkat did was glare at Terezi. She must have known because she was sure to give him a sly wink, to which he replied with an eyeroll.

"Anyways, so after school I say we go to that new coffee shop down the road, unless you guys have any other options," Terezi gave a second of silence to see if either of them would give an answer. Dave told her that was cool with him, but Karkat was just dead silent for once. He did give her a small nod though. "So, that's settled. The bell will ring any minute," She piped up once again, finding her small bag and throwing one of the straps over her shoulder. They had a week to finish the project and then they would present he following week, so they had plenty of time to finish. Though, Karkat hoped they would just go ahead and get it over with today. 

Dave had left to go grab one of the poster boards from the teacher's desk, which left Kartkat at the desk, still feeling pretty stupid about all that he did and everything that Terezi said. Even though it didn't really matter, he was still upset about it, or maybe he just hated being embarrassed. Karkat stood up from his own desk, grabbing his bag and swinging it onto his back.

"Y'know it's totally okay if you have the hots for me Karkat, I wouldn't blame you," Dave said as he walked past him to grab his own back, a grin on his face from him obviously being satisfied with his own joking nature.

"Fuck off Dave," He replied, not really letting it bother him too much, or at least not as much as the first time this joke was made. "And anyways, why do you wear those stupid fucking shades? If you haven't realized, we're inside."

"Okay, well for one, these shades are dope as hell,"

"No they're not."

"and two, got sensitive eyes and shit. Gotta wear these babies so I don't have migraines all day."

Karkat did kind of feel like an asshole after he explained, well, if it was actually true he would. Who knows what kind of shit he could be pulling, Karkat really couldn't tell whether he was lying or not. He didn't have to reply though thanks to the bell.

"And so our journey begins," Terezi show a toothy grin, leading their tiny party out into the hallway and out the front doors of the school. 

It was genuinely really impressive just how much Terezi could navigate her way around. Karkat hadn't even seen any of her movements stutter as she led the way. It was really great seeing her so mobile, especially since Karkat remembered her being really torn up about her loss of sight for quite some time. Her other senses seemed to be damn near perfect. He really was curious on how she did it. Though, Terezi did walk a little bit farther than she was supposed to, but Dave was sure to stop her and tell her that it was over in his direction.

When they got to a table on the outside of the small coffee shop, Dave sat the poster board on it. "So what are we actually going to do for this?" Dave asked, looking at both Terezi and Karkat.

"I don't know, we're supposed to focus on one rhetoric device, so which one do we do?" Terezi piped up with her follow up question.

"What about Metanoia?" Karkat suggested.

"I never thought there would be a day when I would ask you a question like this, but what the fuck is that?" Terezi was surprised there was something Karkat knew that she didn't. How humiliating.

"It's where you like say one statement in two ways, either to make the statement weaker or stronger. Like I could say for example: 'I hate you both, actually, I really hate you both.'"

"Sweet example. Let us know how you feel smart guy," Dave grinned at his own comment.

"Fuck off, I doubt you even knew what it fucking meant before I explained it."

"You doubt how smart I am Karkitty."

Karkat was going to rebuttal, but paused. Dave's smug look still remained.

"What did you just call me?" He narrowed his eyes, a definite hiss in his tone.

"What do you mean wise guy? Don't you know everything?" Dave replied with an insincere, sweet tone. 

"Ugh, whatever, never mind." Karkat sat back in his seat, crossing his arms yet again. He liked to keep his arms crossed a lot, and he really always had. It totally fit his constantly grumpy attitude. "Are we gonna use that or what?"

"I mean yeah," Terezi chimed in, "it will sure make us look hella smart."

"Then let's get this fucking started."

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 19:24 ----

TG: yo  
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?  
TG: aw did you already forget about me karkitty?  
TG: so fucked up  
CG: FUCK OFF STRIDER  
TG: oh come on  
TG: you know i'm a busy dude  
TG: cleared my whole schedule just for this convo  
CG: HOW DID U EVEN GET MY HANDLE  
CG: IT WAS FUCKING TEREZI WASN'T IT?  
TG: you're even loud in text  
TG: that's really impressive

\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased from trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 19:27 ----

TG: wow  
TG: that's cold


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!

"Thank you for your presentation, who wants to volunteer to go next?"

Both Dave and Terezi kept their mouths shut. It was Tuesday, the week their project and presentation were due. They were destined to present today, but their other partner was no where to be found.

"Wasn't he here today? I thought I saw him in Algebra this morning," Dave turned his head to Terezi, who was sitting in the desk next to him.

"Yeah, he was with me, Sollux, and Aradia this morning. Maybe he left early or something?"

They kind of actually needed Karkat today. They all knew about the topic of their presentation, but Karkat was the kid who kind of knew the material best. Plus, Karkat had already planned to do the talking for them, not that it was a problem for any of them to be the one talking, but he had already planned what he was going to say. Dave and Terezi hadn't.

Something seemed really odd about all of this. He'd doubt Karkat would leave early, but he did remember that he could just message him. Though, he really didn't think he would get an answer at all.

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14:49 ----

TG: yo where are you?  
TG: did you forget we have a whole ass presentation today?  
TG: we kinda need you right now  
TG: hello?  
TG: welp  
TG: it was worth a shot

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14:58 ----

"He won't answer any of my messages," Dave sat back in his seat, hiding his phone from his teacher's vision.

"When does he literally ever answer you?"

"Fair point," He nodded, thinking for a second. "Then I guess I'll look for him for a minute,"

Dave raised his hand before the other group had started their presentation, asking to go to the bathroom. When the teacher, dismissed him, he walked out the door.

He looked through the rather empty hallway, checking stairwells and locker bays. He went into the downstairs bathroom, but was met with no one. Dave decided to move his investigation up to the second floor of the school, checking the smaller locker bay on that floor. When he found it empty, he checked the last place he would think of. Dave walked into the upstairs bathroom, and sure enough there was Karkat.

"Dude, where have you been?" Dave questioned, to which gave Karkat a bit of a jump. He was obviously not expecting Dave to come and fucking find him.

"God, fuck off Strider!" Karkat hissed. How did it seem the guy he wanted nothing to do with always ended up finding some way to fucking pester him?

"Well Terezi and I kind of need you for this presentation," Dave crossed his arms, leaning on the wall a few steps away from the bathroom sink Karkat was standing at. It seemed with every word that came out of Dave's mouth, his grip on the sink's edge grew stronger.

"Aren't you supposed to be in fucking class?"

"Aren't you?" Dave snapped back at him. Something was off, well in the sense that if you can tell that someone's acting strange only after a week and a half of knowing them.

"What's up?" He asked another question, to which Karkat was obviously not expecting.

Anyone could tell he wasn't exactly a fan of that question. He was already breathing pretty heavily before, but now he just looked genuinely pained. It was almost as if he were trying to keep himself from crying. Now he really knew something was up, Dave could almost feel how bad his heart was racing, and it was obvious he was debating whether to speak up or not.

"Are you okay?" Dave was a little more concerned than he initially was. He pushed himself off of the wall walking closer to Karkat, standing to his side.

Karkat was silent for a second, staring down at the drain in front of him in a last minute effort to keep the water building in his eyes from falling out. He honestly couldn't even believe he was thinking about opening up to Dave.

"It's just," Karkat shut his mouth again. Those built up tears finally began to flow, leaving two streams of salt water down his cheek. "God, I can't even fucking explain it, it sounds so stupid."

Dave put his hand on Karkat's shoulder, totally expecting him to recoil at the touch, but he didn't. "You can talk to me man."

There was another moment of silence, mostly only there so Karkat could find a way to not choke on his words. The lump in his throat only seemed to grow, even as he tried to force it down: he couldn't speak. Karkat really hated crying in front of people, it made him feel really fucking weak, but this time he couldn't really help it. So he cried in front of the only person he despised. Even though Dave seemed to be a self-centered prick, he was being awfully sympathetic towards Karkat, which wasn't something he expected. 

Dave even got Karkat to turn and face him. He wouldn't look him in the eyes at all though, he just wept while looking down at the ground, holding his hand over his mouth in an effort to shut himself up. The taller boy wrapped his arms around Karkat, who was obviously shocked by the notion. Karkat fought the urge to immediately push him away and instead cried into his shoulder, his hands gripping the back of Dave's t-shirt.

This entire situation felt so absolutely pathetic to Karkat. Dave probably thought he was pathetic, even though it was not the case. Karkat's head kept spinning razor sharp thoughts through his head like a hurricane. He was crying so hard he felt he could barely breathe. He would definitely need to apologize for all the tears on Dave's shirt.

Dave rubbed his back softly, trying to help him calm down. He had no clue what was going on, but it was obviously too much for Karkat to handle. It made him upset to see the other boy like this, but then again it made him sad to see anyone like this. This entire interaction was something neither of them had expected, especially since all Karkat does is tell Dave to "fuck off" or "shut the fuck up." Karkat saw him in such a different light than he was actually in, giving way more shock value to what was happening at this very moment. Karkat was confiding in Dave, and Dave was making sure he was okay.

When Karkat had begun the calm down, the tears started flowing less frequently. He pulled away from Dave's embrace, wiping his puffy eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. "Sorry about your shirt," He mumbled out, barely audible, but Dave managed to understand.

"It's all good, it's not like it can't take it," Dave shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. He let the quiet linger for a second before speaking up again, "do you still wanna talk about it? What was all that about?"

"It's just some stupid family shit, not really a big deal or anything." Karkat answered, but found himself continuing on that thought, "my dad is a missionary. He's leaving again for another month. When I moved back here a few days ago that was the first time I had seen him in weeks."

Dave could more than relate to that, really sympathizing with him now. "I know how shitty that is. About the same thing goes on in my house too."

Dave's comment was followed by an extremely awkward silence. Neither of them knew what to say. It was like a surreal realization that maybe they were both different than they had perceived the other to be. Dave didn't have too much of an opinion on Karkat, yet seeing him in such a state did take away from seeing him as some really fucking grumpy teen. And for Karkat, he began to think maybe Dave wasn't as much of a dick as he had thought. He had seemed to be genuinely sympathetic towards him, and letting it all out to him at first made him feel guilty, but now he had actually felt a bit better.

Karkat was the first to break their silence. "Can we just keep this between us?"

"My lips are absolutely sealed Karkitty," he made a gesture of him zipping his lips shut.

"Maybe you should get an actual zipper so you couldn't spit out so much bullshit," Karkat rolled his eyes. 

"Owch, my ego," Dave grabbed at his heart, faking pain.

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 15:24 ----

TG: found him  
GC: W3LL BOTH OF YOU 4LSO M1SS3D TH3 PR3S3NT4T1ON  
TG: sorry  
TG: took me forever to fuckin find him  
TG: dude's got mad stealth  
TG: like an absolute ninja  
GC: K4RK4T? Y34H R1GHT  
GC: 4NYW4YS 1 DON'T 3V3N R34LLY C4R3 TH4T MUCH  
GC: TH4NKS TO M3 W3 GOT 4 GOOD GR4D3  
TG: awesome  
TG: gtg, the damsel in distress calls  
TG: gotta do my knightly duties

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 15:29 ----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we are getting to some of the good stuff hell yeah. I hope you guys don't mind me skipping at little through the time line, it helps me stay motivated if i reach specific plot points at certain times. So some updates, the story may be a week or two after the last or maybe even a few months, as of right now the longest skip is like a month or two, i haven't decided yet. Don't worry, they still have a slow burn :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay, now we are getting to some triggering subjects. This is the aforementioned implied child abuse. Don't worry, there are no graphic scenes in this chapter. Please stay safe and don't read it if it really triggers you. Put your safety before my shitty fanfic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be posted like two days ago or something, but I just now got around to finishing it. :)

As much as Karkat would not admit it, he was definitely warming up to Dave. That moment they had shared had silently forged an unexpected alliance between the two. Dave made it completely clear that if Karkat ever needed anything that he would be there. Karkat reluctantly chose to return the favor, telling the other that he would do likewise if he ever needed anything.

After that moment they had, Dave stayed true to his word. Not even a single mention of what happened in that shitty school bathroom. Terezi did scold him for not showing up though, even after telling Dave that she wasn't upset about it. She seemed to drop it pretty easily though, which was much to Karkat's relief.

Now, Dave and Karkat's unspoken friendship began to peak through, and some of their friends were noticing. They could actually hold a conversation, but Karkat would definitely protest at some of his rather idiotic spiels. The two had actually got to know a lot more about each other in the last few weeks. It was more than either of them had ever expected to learn. Their friends were thankful that they were actually beginning to see eye-to-eye so they wouldn't have to endure their petty fits and arguments.

They would even talk out of school every now and then, but it was mainly only when Dave decided to message him. They knew each other enough to sense when something was wrong or different with the other. That trait may have just been gained from them both subconsciously looking out for the other, or just the fact that they made it obvious. Dave could tell when Karkat was having a bad day just because of his tone of voice and posture. And, well, for Karkat it was easy to see something was wrong.

Dave had obviously not been in his normal, smart-ass attitude. He was spacing out and not joining in on conversations, and from what he had witnessed and heard, he was also ignoring everyone's messages. He would keep to himself a lot more, and sometimes even skip class. If he talked to anyone, it was mostly to complain about killer headaches he had, which everyone pretty much concluded that it was from his sensitive eyesight. It had only been going on for about a week and a half, but Karkat didn't press on the matter until he saw that there was physically something wrong. A huge bruise sprawled across is wrist and up his arm, and it was obvious he was trying to hide it.

Karkat had seen it by accident, but immediately knew something was very wrong there. Though the extent of what he knew was happening was small, but there was no way he could be over thinking that. He knew that shit was way to big to be an accident.

\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:23 ----

CG: HEY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?  
TG: yeah  
TG: don't get me wrong, i'm flattered but why do you ask?  
CG: YOU'VE SERIOUSLY BEEN ACTING REALLY FUCKING WEIRD.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT GOING ON, BUT YOU CAN TALK TO ME. SERIOUSLY.  
TG: i'm seriously okay dude  
TG: but i'm glad to know i've got a knight in shining armor  
TG: i'm ready for you to swoop me away into the sunset  
TG: i'll be sure to wear my best dress you won't be dissappointed  
CG: DAVE I AM BEING SO FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW  
TG: i am too  
TG: shit  
TG: nice catching up but i gtg  
CG: WAIT

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 16:31 ----

Karkat cursed at Dave's sudden departure. He knew himself too well to know that this is something he wouldn't drop. Karkat scolded himself for not talking to him in person like he had planned to. He had an idea of what was going on with Dave, but he sure as hell was not certain and if it was what he thought than he didn't want it to keep happening.

He knew Dave would dodge every question he asked, probably make some stupid comments on the side. Karkat knew he would try to avoid this shit for as long as he could, but if he was going through something serious he wanted to help.

"Dave," Karkat called out as he watched the pale boy almost make his way out the classroom door, "wait up!"

He stopped in his tracks, waiting by the door frame as Karkat zipped up his bag. Dave seemed to be a bit more chipper as Karkat walked over to him. Though, he knew that would subside rather quickly when he brought up the topic from the previous night. Karkat felt a little anxious himself. He usually never had any sort of problem with a face-to-face confrontation, but Dave's reaction was unpredictable: that was what scared him.

"Are you finally walking me off into the sunset, my fine knight?" Dave did not get a response, instead he got the smaller boy's shoulder shoved into his side.

"Owch," Dave frowned, "not cool man."

They were steadily approaching the main doors, so much so that you could begin to feel the nice autumn breeze flow through the door. It was rather soothing, as if it was reaching out to Karkat so he could get a fresh breath of air before it turned toxic. He had thinking about different ways this conversation could go the entire day. Why was he so anxious for a stupid fucking conversation? That was such a dumb reason to be even merely scared, but that's what he was: scared.

"It has been an honor, but I—"

"Can we talk?" Karkat cut him off before he could finish. He was about as serious as he could be, which suddenly changed Dave's tone. Though, he had definitely thought that something was going on with Karkat, not knowing that he wanted to talk about Dave's state.

Dave nodded to Karkat, not bothering to speak up because there seemed to be something really bothering him. If Dave had known he was what was on Karkat's mind, he might have outright refused or made up an excuse to abscond. But there was no way out this time.

Karkat grabbed his wrist, making sure it wasn't the one that was bruised before he pulled Dave around a corner of the school.

"What's wrong?" There was an obvious amount of concern in Dave's voice. It was easy to tell when he cared for somebody, and anybody could tell that he cared for Karkat. 

"I could ask you the same thing," Karkat shot back at him. He let his words settle for a second before piping up again. "I'm serious Dave, what's going on? You have been acting really fucking different for way too fucking long for something to not be out of the ordinary."

Karkat was avoiding talking about the fact he knew Dave was bruised. That argument was his last resort. That was something he was truly scared of mentioning. It was hard to tell how he would react, he had never seen Dave openly upset. He wouldn’t even know where to start on predicting his reaction.

Dave was sure to reply back in a rather quick manner, but it was easy to tell he was uncomfortable with the topic. “Karkat, I already told you I am A-okay.”

“I call bullshit,” he may have been a little too snappy, but he already had a short temper and was really worked up from Dave’s lying. He immediately calmed himself down again, not that his small outburst was all that bad, but he didn’t want it to get any worse and end up saying something he would end up regretting.

“Karkat. I’m okay, seriously,” Dave had said with as much confidence as he could gather. 

“God, can you stop trying to lie to me? You’ve literally been so fucking quiet recently and you’ve skipped classes, and you are ignoring everyone’s messages as far as I know. I know something is wrong, why won’t you just fucking tell me?”

“Just drop it,” His attitude had definitely changed, but Karkat had yet to actually noticed. He was too focused on his small tirade.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just trust me! What harm could I even do?” He wasn’t actually mad at Dave for not sharing. He really could see why he wouldn’t say anything because that was the same thing he would do, but in this moment he was just upset. Karkat was upset that Dave didn’t trust him.

“Karkat please just drop it.”

“No, I’m not going to drop it,” Karkat responded raising his voice a little.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m fucking worried about you goddamnit!” Karkat almost yelled.

There was silence after that moment. Karkat gave himself a minute to catch his own breath, and it seemed as if Dave was taking a rather long second to think. It was so pathetic, admitting why he was hassling him so much to tell the truth. It was a stupid to care so much about someone, let along really care for them at all. He hadn’t even known Dave for that long, so the way their unspoken bond functioned was really strange to him. Karkat never wanted to ever verbally admit he cared for someone like Dave, but even if he hadn’t mentioned it, his actions were far beyond enough evidence. 

“I’m worried about you okay? I wasn’t going to mention it, but I’ve seen those bruises.”

Karkat could tell that he immediately knew what he was talking about. Dave glanced down at his wrist under his shades. “Listen, it really isn’t what it looks like.”

“Then what the fuck is it?”

“I really don’t want to get into it. It’s nothing bad really, it was an accident.” Karkat had never heard Dave so despondent.

It was what Karkat could only describe as tragic. It was saddening to see someone like him so out of sorts. His normal manner brought people up, even if they found it overwhelmingly fucking annoying. Karkat really hoped he wasn’t the only one to realize something was up. All of their friends had known Dave longer than Karkat had, they should know when something is up. But as far as he knew, no one had reached out to him.

“I really hope you aren’t lying to me.” Karkat spoke out in one of the quietest voices Dave had ever heard from him. He already knew he was lying, but he had already pressed him a good amount away from his limits. With as much bullshit as Dave made up on a daily basis, you would think he’d be a good liar.

Another fit of silence paved way into their conversation. Dave was internally freaking out, he obviously didn’t put in enough effort to cover everything up, but sometimes it just gets too exhausting to hold everything together. He was always taught to never let his guard down, and that was exactly what he just did. What he has been doing. The last thing he wanted anyone to know was what happened at his home. It could get bad, but it wasn’t always bad. Dave just knew exactly how to piss his brother off and, well, you can probably infer the rest.

It was all his fault. Dave would always start something over the simplest shit. He one hundred percent deserved all of his punishment, or at least that was what he thought. Dave always did put up a fight though. His biweekly strifes were the worst of it all. Though, sometimes things weren’t so bad. At the bottom of both their hearts there was love for each other. There was just too much tension between the two and they could barely get along. Dave tried to dismiss everything that happened because they have good moments. He thought that there was some part of Bro’s heart that genuinely loved Dave, but recently that thought was being put through a trial.

“Sorry Karkat, but I actually do have to go,” Dave finally spoke. He couldn’t help but gain a sense of relief knowing he wouldn’t have to deal with people the next day, as it was a Friday and school had already let out for the day. The most he would have to do is answer a message or two, if he even got around to it. 

“You’d call me if something happened right?” Karkat asked, feeling a bit out-of-sorts himself after this conversation. He usually had never been this kind to anyone. Normally, Karkat would express just how much he cared in a very backwards way, mainly through aggression or sometimes his actions. Dave’s situation just sounded more sensitive, or maybe that was just how Karkat thought of it.

“Yeah, don’t worry. If I need anything you’re the first on my list,” he managed to crack a small smile which, as stupid as it sounds, gave Karkat a bit of relief. 

And with those last words, Dave was gone. He had began his walk back to his own place. It was only a good fifteen minute walk, so it wasn’t too far. As for Karkat, he had left his brother waiting for quite some time now. He had shot Karkat some texts, mainly just asking where he was. After his and Dave’s conversation he simply just told him he was talking to a friend. Ha, a friend. That was the first time he had actually called Dave a friend. It was already obvious that they definitely were just that, but he found it oddly weird to admit. He had thought he had Dave completely figured out by the first day they met, but it seemed every day he was having to rearrange the puzzle pieces that made up what he had thought Dave was. 

Karkat sat in that spot for a minute, recollecting their conversation and gathering the information. But when he could no longer keep Kankri waiting, he made his way out to his brother’s car, but the worry he had felt for his friend still heavily remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying so far, thanks for all the kudos too. I know it may seem like it's already getting really angsty so it looks like I lied when I said "the angst doesn't really come in until the middle." I swear to you this is about the minimum that things will be. I have scenes planned out for the future plot and man they are gonna break my heart to write. Everything I write is really overly angsty because most of my works are vents. If you had only seen my stories when I was on wattpad... 
> 
> Anyways, point is, this story is really getting into sad boy hours and shit. I will leave the necessary trigger warnings at the top of the chapter either in summary or notes. I love writing sad shit.
> 
> I kind of write the notes before i write the actual chapter so while i am writing this right now, i already am not really impressed with my own writing. my writing will get better when i can actually get used to the characters. I've actually never written anything using Dave or Karkat so I am trying to adjust to their personalities. I have written about the same two characters for about a year and a half now, and their personalities are very different from those of Dave and Karkat so it is a big adjustment. That's why sometimes they sound pretty out of character. I also might go and edit through the first few chapters and make my writing more descriptive and convey what im trying to portray a lot better. Anyway, that's all i have to say for now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning!: Alcoholism and mentions/descriptions of child abuse.  
> Please read at your own discretion. If it is something you cannot handle, please do not read! Put yourself before my shitty fanfic and stay safe!  
> btw my instagram is @stridercomplex if you wanna see updates and basically 100% davekat posts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this so long ago, but with a bunch of problems picking away at my personal life and school starting back, I haven't really gotten to it. I plan to post once a week, maybe twice. My schedule really depends on how much I can get done at a time. Plus making my chapters longer will mean it take a lot more of my time, and I barely have any time at all to begin with. Between work, school, and practice I only have about two hours of free time a day, sometimes none. I digress, the point is I will try to get things out as soon as I can. :)

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 01:47 ----

TG: hey  
TG: are you there  
TG: dude please answer  
CG: DAVE IT'S ALMOST TWO IN THE MORNING  
TG: could you call me  
TG: please  
CG: YEAH, HOLD ON

Dave was desperately typing to the other boy, barely even waiting minutes in between the first ones. He needed to talk, and for the first time in a long time, he was letting his guard down. Normally, he wouldn't say a word to anyone. Dave had never really felt he had the option, that was until Karkat came along. Dave had almost not even messaged him, even though Karkat said to call him if he ever needed anything. Letting out what he was feeling made him feel weak, or maybe that was the toxic amount of masculinity he was raised to have.

Today was rough, and so was yesterday, and most especially Friday. Dave's entire weekend was full of experiences he never wanted to have again in his lifetime. Not to mention the looks he would get in the morning. How does one even explain a huge cut down their cheek as an accident? He most definitely wished it were an accident, that he could dismiss the worrying claims as some clumsy mistake. Dave wasn't in the right state to think of any ideas, or really to think of anything at all. The last thing he would want is to get stuck on some train of thought that lead to an insane impulsive action.

Dave finally heard his phone ring, picking up the moment the ringtone started.

"You... You were right," Dave spoke first, trying not to choke on his words.

"What do you mean?" Karkat's voice was a little raspy, and kind of quiet too. Dave had just assumed it was because he was previously asleep. It was a little relieving already for Dave to hear someone's voice.

"You were right about something being wrong," Dave begged himself not to cry, even though he already felt the tears coming off. In this kind of state, he couldn't control himself just as much as he normally could. Dave grabbed the half-empty glass bottle, hoping drinking something would get rid of the lump lying in his throat, even if it burns a bit on the way down.

"Everything is so wrong." Dave's crying fit had started itself up again. Karkat was alarmed hearing him begin to cry over the phone. Though, he was a little bit more surprised that Dave was willingly opening up to him.

"What happened?" Anyone could hear the worry in his voice

"Everything... It's been going on for years. That... That bruise was no accident." Some of his words would combine and he would make unnecessary pauses between words, which Karkat found odd.

"He just thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants, and I... I just let him. It's so fucking defeating," Dave's crying was becoming more and more overpowering by the minute. "I sure do put up a fight 'n all, but he always fucking one-ups me and kicks my sorry ass."

Karkat didn't know what to say, but he did know this confirmed his suspicion. Dave's crying on the other line was enough to make Karkat feel a pain in his chest. It genuinely hurt him to see any of his friends in such a state. It made it worse that Dave was obviously not in his right mind or influenced by something. Karkat must have spaced out during the silence but was soon back to earth when he heard an empty glass bottle hit the ground. He was slowly piecing the puzzle together.

"I can't escape this, I can't escape anything. I try and I try, and nothing happens," Dave popped the lid off of another bottle, taking a good swig before taking in a deep, shaky breath. "I'm supposed to feel better now. This is supposed to make me feel better," his words were quiet and jumbled, almost if he had just started talking to himself.

"Dave, what do you mean?" Karkat already knew what he was doing, "are you drinking?"

A shallow laugh could be heard from the other line, "yeah, I guess I am. I should be feeling better right now, but I am still here, pathetically crying over the goddamn phone." The guilt of laying his problems down on someone else's shoulders was really taking its toll on him. The pain in his voice was almost unbearable for Karkat. He could hear Dave take another drink.

"Dave, how much have you had?"

"Dunno, a few bottles? More than anyone my age should even be able to handle."

"Drinking can't solve your problems."

"It has before." Dave's voice could only be described as hollow. It was as if he was just a shadow of himself. "Why do you think I always look like shit in the mornings and have killer fucking migraines." He had felt so low for such a long time, yet he barely ever let it show. He was scared to let it show. The thought of people thinking he was weak was too tough for him to even ponder, but it was so draining to keep up such an act. He was known for being a guy who jokes around and was very social, so it was really out of his element to be so unstable. 

He let his train of thought go on and on, consequently gulping down more of the substance he had actually found disgusting. Dave coughed a bit as it burned down his throat, he wasn't even sure what he was drinking anymore. Anything that would do the trick.

"Dave, can you please stop drinking? At least right now? I swear that you don't need it as much as you think you do. Just put it down and talk to me, alright?" Karkat felt so stupid for not realizing this before, but neither had anyone else. Except maybe Rose, she seemed to know just about everything. Regardless, Karkat was still really glad he didn't let Dave's situation just walk past him.

Dave began to cry again, but Karkat could hear him sit down the bottle on something nearby as his fit went on. It took a minute for Dave to speak again, it was hard to admit to something so destructive.

"You're right."

For Dave, it seemed as if Karkat was on a role. He was right about him going through a bunch of shit at home, and about his drinking, and just about everything else. The one thing Karkat didn't know was just exactly how he felt. Dave felt his entire life was miserable and pointless. If he wasn't on the phone with Karkat he might have just been sound asleep for the rest of his life. He was always very impulsive, there was barely anything that could stop any of his acts of impulse, which made it even more of a reason for Karkat to be there with him. Even if it was only through the phone.

"Dave," Karkat piped up once again, "talk to me."

"I can't do this anymore," he started, taking a second in between phrases to gather his jumbled thoughts. "It's all too much. All of this fucking doubt and guilt I've got is crushing me, and I don't know how to stop it. I can't stop anything. Not to mention I can barely fucking fend for myself cause I've got Bro always besting me at everything I do. I can already imagine the fucking looks I'll get tomorrow in the hallway when I've got this big fucking slash across my cheek."

"Wait, did he fucking cut you?" He couldn't really understand what all he said with Dave tripping over his words and slurring things together, but he one hundred percent understood the last thing he said. Karkat already thought the situation was serious enough, but hearing that made the extent of what his brother was doing so much worse. 

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. It was my fault though, I let my guard down. You see, we do this stupid thing we call strifing, which is basically just a shitty excuse for him to beat the shit out of me. It's for "training in self-defense" as he likes to say, but he just comes as me with a fucking sword and has absolutely no mercy. One time he even broke my fucking sword in half. But those aren't the only times shit happens. We can get into really heated arguments, but they're all my fault. All of this shit I get is because of me."

Karkat cut him off before he could elaborate more on that thought, "that shit is not your fault. Dave, that is literally abuse. He has no good reason to do that because no reason is good enough. Nobody deserves to get the shit beat out of them at least once a week, especially by their guardian. That is fucking illegal, you can't stay there."

"Karkat I want you to swear something to me."

"What do you want me to swear on?"

"Please don't tell anyone, and by anyone, I mean anyone."

One thing Dave was scared of was getting taken away from his brother. Yes, he may be a piece of shit, but he was the only family he had left. Plus, the thought of living anywhere else terrified him. He had lived in this apartment his entire life and everything about foster care scared him. It was a corrupt system and has been for a long time.

"Dave I don't know how you expect me to promise that."

"Please Karkat, I'm seriously trusting you." For that one phrase, it seemed his voice fixed itself. Dave had spoken so clearly it was odd how he could do that at his intoxicated condition. 

"But what if you get really fucking hurt Dave? Do you expect me to not say anything then? I want to help you, I seriously do, but if things escalate any further than where they are now I have to say something. I'm not going to leave you there just to get your ass beat to death Dave!"

Dave thought about what he said for a second. When he spent enough time on that thought, he came to realize: yes, he could eventually get beaten to death. He knew Karkat cared, but Dave just knew he couldn't let anyone figure out unless things got really bad. Anyone else would say it was already as bad as it could get, but for Dave it was different. Things weren't bad enough yet.

"Karkat. Swear to me that you won't tell anyone."

There was a long pause in between their voices.

"Okay, I swear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure the next chapters are gonna be rather happy so look forward to that. We are slowly getting closer to the moment that stemmed this entire fic and I am so excited


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning! Mentions of alcoholism. Please put yourself before my story! I swear, you are way more important than my little davekat story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I couldn't get this out sooner. It has really been such a crazy week and I have not had the time to write. Next week might also be pretty crazy too, I have a lot of things to do. I have a colorguard camp, two practices, homework every night, a french project due, and a guard competition: it is crazy. Anyways, here's the chapter! Thank you guys for reading this, it actually means a lot and I hope you like it too! It may be a little overly angsty, but I swear there will be nice, fluffy chapters and they'll be coming up really soon! (Also remember this story has a slowburn, so stick with me!)

Both Karkat and Dave seemed to be extremely tired this morning, and it was surely because of last night's phone call. They had both stayed on the phone until close to four in the morning. Karkat put all of his efforts into calming Dave down in his previous state. He had talked to Dave until they both were about to drift off into sleep. They had not talked about too many personal things after Karkat gave Dave his word that he wouldn't tell anyone. The two mainly just talked about stupid TV shows and their opinions on some of their classmates: anything to pass time.

Drawing Dave off of the topic of how he felt seemed to be beneficial for the both of them, Karkat even heard him crack a few laughs through some of their dumb comments. They both ended the night on a good note, but that did not mean it lasted until morning. 

That morning, Karkat was just extremely tired, but it was different for Dave. He was having one of the worst hangovers of his life. He would have stayed in bed that entire day if he could, but he barely even had the option because of him needing to puke his guts out before he left for school.

Dave wore a hoodie that day, pulling the hood over his head as he sat at the table all of his friends sat at before class in the mornings. He laid his head down on his crossed arms, looking over to 

Karkat who was sat beside him.

"I have the worst headache in the entire world, I swear my head is literally pounding," He spoke clearly, but you could you could tell that he was in pain.

"Yeah, I wonder why," Karkat retorted back at him, but now his voice was as loud as it normally was. Dave missed last night's version of Karkat that was calm and quiet.

"Dude, could you speak any louder?"

"I can if you want," Karkat sarcastically told him, subtly raising his voice.

"God no, don't. I will strangle you," Dave rubbed his eyes under his shades, sitting up. He looked around at who was at the table. It was most of their friend group, but obviously, not all of their friends could fit into this tiny table. There was himself, Karkat, Terezi, Sollux, Aradia, Rose, and Kanaya. They all seemed to be having different conversations: Rose and Kanaya were just being a little too affectionate, Terezi and Sollux seemed to be bickering over a debate with Aradia periodically adding in her own comments, then Dave and Karkat were both having their moments of silence.

Dave looked over to Karkat, "I know it's super fucking early, but can we talk for a minute? You know, somewhere else?"

Karkat gave a long sigh, but only because he was too tired and hadn't woken up yet. "Yeah, okay." They both stood up from the table, Dave leading the way.

"Hey, cool kid! You finally proposing?"

Dave turned around when he had heard Terezi"s voice, beginning to walk backwards. He threw out his arms, giving her one of his signature smirks.

"How did you know?"

Dave turned back around after he gained one of Terezi's snickers. He led Karkat into a stairwell, which was technically not available to students at the time since the bell had not rung. Dave stopped under the staircase, just making sure they were hidden.

It was silent for a second, besides Karkat yawning as he stopped in front of Dave. He looked up at Dave when he heard him start speaking.

"I just," He tried to think of what to say, "really wanted to apologize. You know, for last night and all."

"That's it?" Karkat raised a brow but then started up again, "dude it's okay. You don't have to apologize."

"But I really am sorry," Dave spoke almost immediately after him. Dave wasn't one to take a liking to other's help. He was always a lone wolf when it came to what he was dealing with, which made repression one of his strongest traits. Talking about what was really happening was always hard for him, but last night he had ripped off the bandaid.

"It's just that I don't like people seeing me like that, or I guess hearing me like that too. It's no secret that I don't like getting really into what's going on with me or what I'm thinking, and I just need to say I'm sorry. I don't drink that often, and I absolutely don't drink that much. Last night I just really needed to talk to someone. I thought I'd do something really stupid and I'm thankful you didn't just go back to sleep like you probably should have."

"It's seriously okay, and I'm glad I actually picked up. I know you're going through some shit, and I had already doubted you Friday when you said you were okay. I guess I didn't know how bad it got. I told you this last night, but you don't need to drink."

Dave nodded as Karkat spoke. He did know it was a problem, but it was hard to deny at times when he felt like shit. When something proves itself to make you feel better, it's really easy to stay hooked.

"I know. I know I have a problem, and I know it just keeps getting worse. I really don't drink as much as I probably could. Drinking does kind of scare me because alcoholism runs in the family. Sometimes it's just hard not to because there's so much of it around my house. I don't think Bro gives a shit about it as long as I don't touch the bottles he really likes."

"But he should care, Dave! That's the point I am trying to make. You seriously have to get out of that fucking place."

"I can't Karkat, there are so many reasons why I just can't."

"Like what?" Karkat was getting a little pissed off. He just couldn't understand why someone would willingly stay at that home with an abuser: It was so beyond him.

"Listen, Bro is the only person in my family left. I don't have anyone to stay with. The foster care system is already fucked up as it is. It always has been. Even if I admitted what was going on and I ended up in a foster home, there's a good possibility I would still be abused. Maybe not as bad, but still the same shit." Dave paused for a second to think of one of the other reasons. He had known all of them, and there were so many he had thought about over the years, but in the moment of finally mentioning them: he forgot. Then, another one came to him, "I've lived here my entire life. I am not ready to move around every few months and be taken away from everyone here. What I've got going on here is good. I could get emancipated, but I don't know exactly how to provide for myself."

Karkat took all he had said into consideration, and no matter how much he was against his staying, he could begin to see where he was coming from. Regardless, Karkat still needed to find a way to get him out of there. He knew he had to.

"Dave, I can see what you're saying, but my viewpoint still hasn't changed. You have to get the hell of there."

"I swear the day I turn eighteen, I'm leaving. I might even admit all that he's done to me. I know where you're coming from Karkat, but seriously this has to stay between us, okay?"

There was silence as Dave waited for an answer. It was a tricky question. Karkat knew that he would eventually have to say something about it, and he knew that it could only keep getting worse and worse. What about Dave's drinking? Would that just get worse too? All the outcomes he could think of rushed towards him all at once.

"I can't just say yes to that." Karkat shook his head as he spoke. Dave had known he might have said that, but the fact that he knew didn't comfort him. It was obvious he was a little panicky, and he was beginning to regret saying anything.

"Karkat, you can't tell anyone about anything. My bro, the drinking shit, all of it. Do you know what people would think of me? They'd think," Dave trailed off, feeling that familiar lump in his throat as he shut his mouth.

"They'd think what?"

"They'd think I'm just like him," Dave spoke out with a huff, letting out a sad laugh after. He shrugged his shoulders, looking away from Karkat so he could quickly wipe off an escaping tear. 

The only noise to be heard was a soft sniffle as he turned his head back towards Karkat. The smaller boy had a frown across his face, "that's not true Dave."

"I won't tell anyone, or at least I can promise you I won't say anything unless things get really bad. They're already bad enough as it is, but if any situation becomes between your life and my promise: I'm breaking that promise. And Dave you seriously have to stop drinking, you're young and that shit can actually kill you. I've seen it happen before, and there's no way I'm letting that bullshit happen to you. If you can at least try that, then you have my word."

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly how I wanted the chapter to end, but I just couldn't hold onto this chapter any longer. It may seem like Dave is the only person that's got shit going on, but trust me, he's not. As we get deeper into the plot you'll find out a lot more about Karkat and his past and what exactly he's going through. Also were only like, 7 chapters away to the sub-plot I've been waiting for! I am vv excite


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk if y'all really care about this but like spoilers for frozen 2 lmfao just read and you'll get why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to write it is the bane of my existence and made me want to fling myself into the sun, but it turned out good. Or at least as good as my sleep deprived mind will tell me it is. (Its 3AM right now but I wanted to make sure I would definitely get this chapter out.)

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 16:03 ----

TG: yo  
TG: terezi had an amazing idea for once  
TG: we're going to see a movie  
TG: and you are coming  
CG: WHAT.  
TG: you are going with us  
TG: no negotiation  
TG: we will drag you into kanaya's car  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.  
TG: yes  
TG: you are one hundred percent getting into kanaya's soccer mom lookin van to watch a shitty overpriced movie with us  
CG: WHO EVEN IS "US?"  
TG: aradia, sollux, kanaya, rose, terezi and your's truly  
TG: basically about everyone  
CG: FINE.  
TG: awesome  
TG: i'll tell terezi the good news  
TG: we'll probably be there soon  
TG: not sure  
TG: but be ready  
TG: wear your finest dress m' lady  
CG: YOU ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING  
TG: oh come on  
TG: you know you love me

\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:10 ----

TG: owch

"Yo, he actually said okay," Dave said from across Terezi's room. She was a little taken back by that, and she had good reason to do so.

"How did you do that?" She raised a brow at him, sitting up in her chair.

"What can I say? It's the Strider charm." Dave gave a confident smirk to the girl, before looking back at his phone for the time. "When is Kanaya gonna be here again?"

"Uh," Terezi was recalling the texts she had with Kanaya earlier, "Four twenty-five I think? Either way, soon."

They had only this plan up about an hour and a half ago. Any one of them could have driven, but Kanaya had more seats in her car. Plus the only ones who could legally drive were Aradia and Kanaya. They were all pretty close to getting their license though, Karkat had to wait a few more weeks, but for Dave, it was closer to around 2 months. Even though most of Dave's friends didn't care to drive him around places, he didn't like the fact that he couldn't compensate for the inconvenience.

Terezi and Dave were both caught off guard when they heard a honk outside of Terezi's house. Dave peeked out of the window beside him, seeing Kanaya's van in the driveway. "That would be our cue," Dave grinned, looking back at Terezi before standing up. They both walked out of her room, making their way outside. Rose was already in the passenger seat, and it seemed Aradia was sat in one of the two middle seats. The doors on the side were electric, so as they walked out one of them opened, letting them pile in. Terezi, of course, went first. 

"Yo," Dave gave all the girls a smile before climbing in after Terezi. He sat in the back row of Kanaya's car. He wasn't really sure why Terezi even chose to sit there when she knew that in a few minutes Sollux was going to make a huge fuss about having that seat so he could be by Aradia.

"How many more people do we have to get?" Kanaya asked. Terezi hadn't told her the entire plan, so she wasn't exactly sure of where all they were going.

"Well we have to get Sollux and Karkat and that's about it," Dave answered.

After that, they were off to get the other two. It wasn't a long drive from Terezi's place to theirs, but it was about ten to fifteen minutes away. Their neighborhood was kind of closer to Dave's than anyone else's. 

"I still don't understand how you got Karkat to come out with us without a fight," Terezi mentioned again, to which received a smirk from Dave.

"How many times I gotta tell you TZ? It's the Strider charm. Works magic."

"Yeah, yeah, 'Strider charm' my ass!" Terezi hissed, "maybe he's just head over heels for you."

"I mean, could you blame him?"

Dave softly chuckled at her comment before looking out the window. Kanaya was beginning to pull into a neighborhood, which he assumed was the one Karkat and Sollux lived in. Dave wasn't exactly sure of where they lived, but he knew the general location. The houses in this neighborhood seemed to be really nice, which was something Dave could only dream of having. "Maybe someday," Dave thought to himself, but just at the right time to pull him out of that train of thought, they pulled into a driveway. 

Kanaya did her signature honk to let whichever of the boys know she was there. It wasn't because she was impatient, she might have been the calmest person in their friend group: most of the time. Sometimes she could really blow up, but it was a rare occurrence. 

Sollux soon emerged from the front door, jogging Dave's attention towards the window again. He could already feel himself rolling his eyes knowing that Terezi and Sollux were going to fight over that seat. They were both pretty brutally honest, or maybe just brutal in general. Sollux manually swung the van's door open.

"I swear to god if you even ask for this seat," Terezi started first. Dave had suddenly decided that she actually did know what she was getting herself into.

"Oh, come on Terezi," Sollux groaned, "just let me sit there."

"What is so wrong with the backseat?" Terezi didn't seem to be giving up today.

"I could say the same for you," Sollux refuted. "I seriously just wanna sit by Aradia, is that too much to ask for?"

"I dunno, maybe it is."

"Wouldn't you want to sit beside Vriska is she was here?"

The air stood still for a second, almost as if time had stopped. Everyone seemed to look at Sollux now, instead of ignoring their useless bickering, yet Dave had no idea why. Terezi looked really hurt, and Aradia was helplessly signaling for him to cut it out. It was silent for a second before Sollux processed what he had said, 

"I'm sorry, that was really uncalled for."

"Just take the fucking seat," Terezi wiped her cheek and moved to the back, looking out the window. Probably to avoid her friends really seeing her upset. Dave was still confused about what was going on, Aradia's face was stone cold and ready to give her boyfriend a very long lecture, and Kanaya let out a really long sigh while Rose let go of the breath she had been holding.

When Sollux was finally in the car, Kanaya began to drive a little further down the windy road. It only took them a minute to reach Karkat's house because it was so close-by. When Kanaya arrived there was no reason to honk her horn: Karkat was already outside. As he got closer to the van, you could see him groan. The door opened and he immediately groaned,

"Middle seat again? Why is it always me?"

"You're the last one to pick up," Rose chimed in, which made him give a slight scowl as he sat between Terezi and Dave and then Kanaya began her route to the mall. Karkat did pick up on the odd amount of silence. Rose had turned on the music to try and relieve some of the tension that was in the air at the moment. Terezi was a lot calmer, but anyone could tell she was still pretty upset. They sat in silence for most of the ride and Karkat was beginning to grow kind of curious. He was even more clueless than Dave was, and because Karkat already knew he had an obnoxiously loud voice he pulled out his phone and began to type, which signaled Dave's phone to buzz.

\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:49 ----

CG: WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING QUIET?  
TG: uh  
TG: well  
TG: i don't really know  
TG: terezi and sollux were arguing over the seat that sollux is sitting in now and he brought up something and since then everyone has been silent  
CG: WHAT DID SOLLUX SAY?  
TG: something about vriska  
TG: like saying she would wanna sit beside vriska if she was here  
CG: FUCKING CHRIST  
CG: HE REALLY WENT WAY TO FUCKING FAR OVER SOMETHING SO SMALL? GODDAMNIT  
TG: who is vriska?  
CG: I'LL EXPLAIN LATER

\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:55 ----

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket, while Dave kept his out. He had assumed Dave was probably checking his social media while Karkat was watching the van pull into the parking lot of the mall. They had just recently added a movie theater to the building a few months ago. the only people who had been here before were Aradia and Sollux, but it was probably to watch some predictable supernatural movie. 

When the van finally came to a stop, they filed out of it. Dave was sure to stretch, that back seat was just a bit too cramped for him. Though, Karkat pulled Terezi to the side and hung back as the others walked towards the entrance. They kept the same pace, Terezi and Karkat were just a good distance behind. He wanted to talk to her.

"So Dave told me what happened before I got in the car, and I'm really sorry he said that shit. You know he's like that, but even then it still doesn't really excuse it."

"It's okay, I'm over it," Terezi's voice was a little solemn, which did not sit well within Karkat.

Karkat was treading into dangerous territory, but he said his mind regardless. "You know, it wasn't your fault right?"

Terezi just nodded at him, feeling her throat close up so she couldn't say a word. Karkat suddenly realized he immediately needed to change the mood. Today was supposed to be a good day, he didn't want Terezi to spend her entire time thinking about Vriska.

"Let's try and not think about it right now though. Today is supposed to be a good day, so let's catch back up with the others and we can pick up on this whenever you're ready to." It was rare to see Karkat be so genuine, but he really cared for his friends and their happiness heavily influenced his own happiness.

Terezi looked up at him with a small sniffle, letting a smile come onto her face, "thanks Karkat."

Once Terezi was looking like she felt better, they caught up with their friends. Karkat joined Dave's side as they walked to the entrance, looking idly around the walls of movie posters.

"Yo, what was that about?" Dave said kind of quietly, making sure it was only Karkat who heard him.

"Just being a good friend."

"Okay guys," Rose started, "we are watching Frozen II and no complaining about it."

Regardless of Rose saying no complaining, that's exactly what Dave did, "oh come on Rose, you know you just want to watch it because Elsa was rumored to be lesbian."

"Not true," Dave could tell she was lying already, "but that would definitely be a plus."

"You are many things, but a good liar is not one of them," Dave laughed, "but whatever. I heard it's not that bad."

Once Rose convinced their friend group into seeing the movie, they reached the ticket booth, paying for each of their own tickets. Kanaya and Rose were probably the only ones actually excited to see it, while about everyone else was just coming to terms with it. It had been out for a few weeks now, so when they got into the theatre room, there were plenty of open seats. They all chose the middle row, except Aradia and Sollux who were sat at the row behind the other five. Aradia seemed to be having a really heavy conversation with Sollux. She was angry but was sure to be pretty quiet so the talk could just be between the two of them.

The previews of the movies felt like they were going on for hours, but Dave and Terezi were eating that shit up. Some of the small clips they had played were so funny to the two that they were in tears from laughter, which was followed by Karkat telling them to "shut the fuck up." It was obvious that everyone else in the theatre resented the group of teens for their behavior. 

"Hey Karkat, do you know how to count shoulders?" Dave looked to the boy on his left. 

"What the fuck? No?" Karkat didn't really even understand what he was asking him. He had assumed it was just some of the normal bullshit he pulled out of his ass.

"Here," He sat up a bit in his seat, "I'll show you how."

"One," Dave tapped his right shoulder.

"Two," then his left shoulder.

"Three," He tapped Karkat's right shoulder.

"Four," and before Karkat knew what was going on, Dave wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The smaller boy's face had immediately turned red. 

"Oh my fucking god, you absolute fucking shit brain!" Karkat yelled out, which received a few angry "shh!"s from the rest of the audience. He didn't exactly care though, he was too preoccupied trying the pry himself away from Dave.

"Fucking let go of me!"

"No can do, bro. We are locked and loaded in this bitch." Dave smirked at him, while Terezi's prominent laughter played in the background. 

"I'm serious Dave!"

"Dude, shut up, the movie is starting." And with one last try to free himself from Dave, he sat back in his seat, giving up. 

The movie was really enticing for most of them, even if it wasn't something they were usually into. Kanaya and Rose were really into it though, while Karkat and Dave shared their comments about certain scenes throughout the movie. Karkat ended up leaning into Dave without realizing he had as the movie kept on, and even when he did realize, he felt too comfy to do anything about it. Rose had started crying the moment Elsa dove too deep, while Karkat began to tear up when Elsa froze. Out of all people, the one who was not expected to cry had cried. Dave had begun to cry when Anna's song after Elsa and Olaf's death, but only Karkat and Terezi had noticed. Terezi was definitely going to use that to her advantage on a later date. Though Kanaya and Rose seemed to be pretty disappointed in the ending, and Dave knew it was because Elsa was not with a girl by the end.

When they emerged from the room back into the cinema hallway, they all seemed to take a breath before beginning their trip back to Kanaya's car. 

"That was better than I expected," Dave nodded, looking back to the others, assuming they would share their feedback as well.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Aradia agreed. She was way more into creepy like movies, and probably would have been happier is the end wasn't so happy. Sollux didn't look too impressed though. 

"Rose you were crying like a baby over there," Dave gave a half-assed laugh at her, to which she glared.

"You know Dave, you had quite the waterworks over there too," Terezi snickered.

"Ok, ok, but it was for a good reason, that shit was sad. Imagine losing the last member of your fucking family and one of your friends at the same time, plus the fact that her only way to get out of that place was to destroy her homeland. She said she felt numb that was so sad, you can't tell me otherwise." Dave was extremely defensive. He had really only cried because that moment resonated within him pretty heavily. It was upsetting seeing the happy-go-lucky character say they felt numb, and it sadly kind of reminded him of himself. Dave decided to quickly get off of that topic in his mind before he would begin to cry again and look like a fucking idiot.

"Oh yeah, yeah, whatever. Either way, you cried too you baby," Terezi stuck her tongue out at him before they reached the car.

They piled into their designated seats before they took off back to Sollux and Karkat's neighborhood. The ride was, thankfully, not quiet like it was on the way there. Kanaya and Rose were ranting about how disappointed they were that there was no LGBT+ representation, which proved Dave's earlier point that they were really wanting to watch it in hope that there would be a gay character in a Disney movie. Karkat, Dave, and Terezi weren't paying attention to their conversation though, their trio was laughing at stupid videos from Dave's phone until they reached Sollux's house. Aradia decided to stay at his house for the night, so the two said their goodbyes and walked into Sollux's home.

Next was Karkat's. They spent the minute-long drive laughing at one more video before they pulled into Karkat's driveway. The smaller boy crawled out of the door while giving a small wave, "bye guys."

"Don't miss me too much," Dave grinned, receiving a well-deserved eye roll as the door shut. Terezi and Dave moved up to the two middle seats before Kanaya took off to Dave's apartment.

"You tease Karkat so much man, what are you? You like him or something?" Terezi joked, but Dave didn't immediately refute the notion. He thought about it for a second.

"Yeah, maybe," Dave nodded along, to which made Terezi raise her brow, giving an almost nervous laugh.

"I was joking."  
"Well I'm not," he looked over to her, "I think I might be into him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was out so late! As I said in the notes last chapter, I have been pretty busy recently, not to mention I got a bad case of writers block :( I really hated writing this chapter too, ugh i've never felt so uninspired. Though, right now I have three days off, and then another day after Saturday so I'm going to try to get out as much as I possibly can. I am really just trying to develop the story so that i can get back to the original plot line. So these next few chapters are almost like fillers, but they actually are kinda important to the plot. I have 24 chapters planned out, and have so many ideas for chapters 15-18 that they're practically already written. Anyways, let's see how much I can get out by the end of the week!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of death and suicide (very brief, no explicit details).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guyth >:)

"So what do you have planned for the rest of the day?" Dave asked, walking by Karkat's side.

They had begun to walk home together, or at least when they could. They both needed the extra company, even if sometimes the walk was quiet. 

They had found themselves walking home the same way one day, so they let it stay like that. Karkat even denied his brother's offers to pick him up after school. Though, soon they wouldn't have to walk. Karkat had gotten his license that week and was just waiting for his dad to get back with what would be Karkat's new car. Dave would start driving soon too, but still had a few weeks to go.

"Uh, not really anything. What about you?"

"Probably just stall around and avoid my house at all costs. Y'know, the usual," Dave was so nonchalant about his words that it pissed Karkat off

"Your Bro back in town?"

"Yeah," Dave sighed, "but no worries. He seemed in a good mood, I'm just not taking any chances."

Karkat's blood still boiled anytime they talked about Dave's brother. He cursed himself for forgetting Dave said he'd be back the second week of October.

"You can always just come to my place. I honestly don't fucking care, but if you don't wanna fucking wander around for hours, you can."

"Man, my dope plans of walking around town all day or your place? This is a really tough decision Karkat."

Karkat scoffed at him, rolling his eyes, "never mind. The offer is off the table.

"I'm kidding dude," the taller boy softly chuckled, "yeah, I'll go. That plan sounds so much better than waiting around till my legs give out."

Karkat just nodded back at him, not letting it show just how great he felt about Dave saying yes. He was pretty tired of staying in his house, alone all day. Kankri had already left the house, moving upstate so that he could attend some fancy college in the spring semester. For the first few days, Karkat was pretty ecstatic because he was finally free from his brother’s pointless lectures, but it had been a week and the empty environment was starting to get to him. His father wasn’t going to be back for the next few weeks, but it wasn’t like that was anything out of the normal. He was always off on some other mission. Karkat hated living alone, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t old enough to. His father provided him with money through a credit card, so he could buy whatever he needed and more. They were far from poor, but not massively rich. Karkat’s family was more of an “upper-middle-class” status.

When they began to walk through Karkat's neighborhood, Dave was pretty impressed by all the houses. Even though he had already seen these houses tons of times, the architecture of these buildings was extremely impressive. They all seemed to have their own little themes and none of them really looked the same. They were all unique, and Dave admired that. He had always thought of what he would do if he lived in a nice house like these, maybe even with a good family. Though he had little recollection of it, Dave had actually lived like that once before. He was young, only around age five, when he began to live with his brother. Bro was only eighteen, but he was forced to take Dave under his custody after both of their parents had passed. They couldn't hold up the money to keep the house that Bro had grown up in, so they moved into the apartment and have lived there ever since.

"You know, I used to live in a neighborhood like this," Dave looked over to Karkat, who looked back at him when he spoke.

"Oh, really? I thought you said you lived in that apartment your whole life." Karkat contradicted his current statement with one from the past.

"Well, I guess I technically haven't, but I say that because I've lived there for just a bit over eleven years."

"Why'd you move into an apartment?"

"Not to be morbid or anything, but both of my parents died." Dave could tell that Karkat immediately regretted asking that question. "Don't worry about it though, I'm not hung up on it anymore."

"Do you mind me asking how they died?" Karkat was being careful with what he said, making sure that Dave would only talk about it if he was comfortable to do so.

"It's actually really sad, they died in the same month. My dad got leukemia and they didn't find out fast enough, so he ended up dying about a month after he was diagnosed. I didn't really get what happened because I was pretty young. After my dad passed, my mom was a pretty heavy drinker. One night she just wasn't in her right mind, whether it was because of the grief or the alcohol, and she took her life."

Karkat was silent for a moment, finding himself at a lack of words. "I'm sorry, that must have been awful."

"It wasn't as hard on me as it was on Bro. He had only just turned eighteen and now he had to take care of two kids on his own." Dave huffed out softly. He had always really felt bad for his brother, even if he was a piece of shit. Dave knew he would work his ass off day and night just to keep food on the table and a roof over their head. He had always really tried his best and was a rather good brother up until a few years ago.

"Two?"

"Oh, I guess I never told you about that. I have another older brother, his name's Dirk. He's a bit over three years older than me. One night he and Bro got into a really heated argument, and it ended with Dirk leaving the house for a minute to cool down. That was the last time either of us saw him, it was four years ago last week." Dave explained to Karkat, who obviously had some questions.

"So did he like, run away?" Karkat questioned.

"No," He started up again, "no, Dirk wasn't the kind of guy to do something like that. None of his friends had seen him that night and no one had any idea on where he was. He was missing for a long time before the police stopped searching for him. We still don't have an idea of what happened to him."

"Damn," Karkat spoke a bit under his breath as they walked up to his driveway. It almost sounded like a situation pulled straight from a movie. He couldn't even imagine the pressure Dave must have felt on his shoulders as a kid, he probably had to grow up fast. Karkat pushed open his front door, holding it for Dave to walk in after him.

The house was decorated in a dark, vintage aesthetic. The walls were painted with a dark brown, and soft, dull tans popped out from pieces of furniture and curtains. There was a bookshelf full of all kinds of novels and stories. There was a small balcony beside the stair where you could look over the first floor from the second floor: it was a beautiful house.

"Wow, your house is really nice," Dave let out a breath as he looked around, giving him a small grin.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I have it all to myself until the end of November."

"Damn, you're living it up, huh?" Dave joked with him, setting his bag on one of the living room's couches. Karkat plopped down onto one of the cushions, to which Dave followed, sitting beside him. There was a pause, almost as if they were both catching a breath

Karkat decided to pipe up yet again, "You think he's still out there?"

"Without a doubt. He always really knew how to fend for himself, sometimes he could even beat Bro in a strife. He is so much stronger than I am, it's kinda crazy." He let out a small laugh as he spoke. His memories about Dirk weren't sour, or at least most of them weren't. Dave could recall spamming Dirk's phone trying to find him and telling him just how hopeless he felt after Dirk had left him all alone. He remembered spending the next few nights after that crying on the couch with Bro, which was strictly against the "Strider code." Striders don't cry, but those few nights they both wept. Dave did still feel a bit of resentment to Dirk for leaving him alone with Bro, but he had only gotten away, and Dave wished he could do that more than anything.

"So what kind of movies do you like?" Karkat glanced over at him.

Dave smiled at him, "what kind of movies you got?"

The number of rom-coms Karkat had was extremely impressive. The collection of movies in his house must have been a fortune, Dave could almost count a hundred movies. After shuffling through a bunch of movie choices they both collectively decided on "50 First Dates" with the reasoning being that Karkat enjoys the movie and that Dave thought sometimes Adam Sandler could be funny. They watched it from start to end, Dave had ended up leaning his head onto Karkat's shoulder, and it was odd because Karkat didn't seem to mind. He wasn't even really paying too much attention to the movie: he was more focused on Dave.

He thought about how skewed his first impression of Dave was. He almost felt bad for all the shit he had given him the first few weeks they had known each other. Dave had been there for him since the beginning. They hadn't even known each other for two weeks when Dave comforted him in the school bathroom at the start of the year. Karkat hadn't really realized until now just how much effort Dave put into just making sure he was okay. Karkat had marked him off as someone self-centered and didn't give a shit about what anyone said, but he seemed to be the exact opposite. Karkat enjoyed his company, and how he felt towards Dave was slowly beginning to change. He could tell, but anytime he realized, he would shove the thoughts out of his mind. He wasn't too sure of what to think of it, so he never really thought about it more.

It was scary, but he was beginning to like the danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gon be real with u chief, I deadass just googled "rom-coms" and chose one that i had seen before. I remembered 50 First Dates pretty well so I went with it. I also don't get why this chapter feels so short. It's literally my average length but it feels so short wtf. Also wow Dave really has sob stories for days, but uh so does Karkat. We just haven't gotten to that yet, but soon. Omg it's only like, 8-9 chapters away now, maybe even earlier? If I'm being honest i have chapters 15-24(?) planned out, but 12-14 I have absolutely no idea, but its only three chaps so I'm not really that worried. Anyways I'm excited for the next three chapters and I can't wait till chapter fifteen >:)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: alcoholism, mentions of abuse. If you are sensitive to these topics, please (!!!) put your well-being before this chapter!

Karkat had been laying on his bed since he had gotten back from school. He wasn't too sure why he was doing it, but he hadn't had the best day at all and staring at the ceiling for hours on end was something he felt fit his mood.

He was cusping his third hour of lying on his back, watching the ceiling above him and contemplating his life, until he heard his phone ring.

No text beforehand, it was immediately a call. Karkat had first assumed it was just a telemarketer, but then he looked at the contact: it was Dave. He thought for a second, deciding whether or not he would answer. Karkat just wasn't in the mood to talk, he barely even wanted to move to grab his phone off of his desk.

He clicked the power button on his phone, setting it to his side after letting out a long sigh.

"I'm a horrible friend," He breathed out, talking to himself quietly. But before he could get too into his head once again, his phone buzzed again. Dave was calling again. Was it really that important that he couldn't just text him?

Karkat sighed, sliding his thumb across the screen to answer the call.

"Hey," Karkat was quieter than usual, almost as if he was out of energy.

"Can I... Can I come over?" Dave managed to choke out: He was crying. Karkat sat up on his bed, immediately feeling his stomach drop when he heard Dave's voice.

"I mean, yeah, sure. Are you okay?" Karkat was concerned for Dave, as he usually was. The thought of being with someone at the moment wasn't ideal, but he couldn't just ignore Dave and say 

"No."

"No," Dave breathed out. He sounded out of breath, "God no. Karkat I can't take this shit anymore, I can't fucking do this. I'm too scared to stay at the house and I'm too scared to be alone. This is too fucking much for me." It was obvious that Dave was panicking, probably on the edge of a panic attack.

"Okay, okay. It's okay, you'll be alright, just calm down." Karkat was keeping his worry for Dave to himself, talking as softly as he could manage.  
The only reply Karkat received was more of Dave's cries. It was pitiful, and out of all the people, he thought Dave was the one who least deserved it. He had already been through hell his entire life, Karkat began to wonder if he ever got a break. The one thing he had hoped Dave didn't do was resort to old habits.

"Be honest with me, have you been drinking at all?"

Silence went through the line, and his hesitation gave Karkat all the answers he needed.

"Dave..." Karkat sighed.

"I know," Dave started up, "I know I have a problem. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Karkat couldn't be too mad at him, but he was, of course, a bit disappointed. After Dave had sworn to him that he wouldn't do this anymore: here he was, drunk over the phone. Before Karkat could pipe up again, a loud car horn could be heard from Dave's side of the call.

"Shit!" Dave yelped. Karkat's anxiety spiked when he realized what was going on from the other side of the line. "Oh fuck," Dave began to breathe heavier, and Karkat could tell he was trying to catch his breath.

"Wait, wait! Are you driving right now?"

"Yeah... hold on..."

"Dave pull over." Karkat's heart was beginning to race.

"It's okay, I'm almost there. I just really need to see you." Karkat could only put one word to describe just how Dave sounded: weak.

"Fucking pull over! I can come and get you, just please fucking pull over!" He was praying that Dave would listen to him. Karkat had already been through this tragedy before, he wasn't about to let it happen again, especially not with Dave. It was quiet for a minute, but then he heard Dave speak again,

"Okay," The tone of his voice was soft and hopeless, which pained Karkat. Regardless of just how Karkat had felt, he sprang out of his bed, throwing on a jacket, and grabbed his car keys.

"I'm on my way, where are you?" Karkat was much calmer after Dave had agreed to pull over, but his heart still raced.

"The highway, just outside the exit that leads to the school."

"Okay, just stay on the phone with me, alright?" Karkat was trying to make sure he didn't do anything worse than what he had already done.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Karkat," Dave rambled on. The realization that what he had done was extremely dumb was finally catching onto him. He felt guilty for making Karkat put up with him all the time, especially when he was in a state like this.

"It's okay, calm down. I'm almost there, okay?"

"Okay." Dave didn't even take into consideration just how much Karkat was going out of his way, all because Dave made a stupid fucking decision. Drinking had been an easy coping mechanism for him for so long that when he couldn't handle his situation anymore, it looked like an easy way out. He had always been unhappy with his life, but he seemed to go down such a dark path that at this point it felt like he could barely see. It was as if he was drowning and he was almost out of air, holding whatever his lungs could take before reached the bottom, and Dave only kept sinking. At this moment, he at the bottom.

Dave's heart was beating so fast, he swore he could feel his pulse through his whole body. He was trying to breathe, but he was choking on his own tears. When he realized he could barely breathe, he panicked even more than he had been. It felt like he was having a heart attack.

Karkat could see Dave's car in the distance. It gave him a bit more relief seeing that Dave had actually pulled over. He pulled off of the road, letting himself park behind Dave. Karkat pushed his door open, leaving his phone in the driver's seat as he rushed over to the other car.

Dave hadn't even realized he was there until he heard someone trying to open the door beside him. He clicked the doors unlocked and Karkat immediately opened the door. Normally, Karkat would have practically smothered him in a huge hug, but he realized that Dave couldn't breathe.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Look at me," Karkat waited until he was facing him before continuing, "breathe with me, okay?" Karkat took a deep breath in while Dave tried his best to follow, but when he choked on the air he began to cry harder. Dave was panicking, and as much as it scared Karkat, he tried to keep calm in hopes that it might help Dave too.

"It's okay, you're okay. Let's try again," Karkat's voice was as comforting as he could make it. Slowly, but surely, Dave's breath was becoming more controlled. When Dave could finally breathe again, he stood out of the car to be more eye to eye with the other. Karkat wrapped his arms around him.

"Don't you ever do something that dumb ever again," Karkat had no intention of being aggressive, but it may have come off that way. He was scared and he knew what could happen with a situation like this.

"I'm sorry," Dave gripped to the back of Karkat's jacket, letting himself cry into his shoulder. 

"It's okay, I'm not mad. You just really scared me."

They stood there on the side of the highway for quite some time, only the sounds of cars whipping past them remained. Karkat was going to let Dave get out what he could, he just wanted Dave to be okay. There were things Karkat had noticed when he first saw Dave but hadn't mentioned them yet. Dave's lip was busted and there was another cut on his cheek, sitting beside the scar he had gained a few months before. There were drops of blood on his shirt, and it seemed maybe he had previously had a nosebleed? Karkat knew things for him at home just kept getting worse. He tried to convince Dave to stay at his house as much as possible. As long as he was in that apartment, he wasn't safe, and Karkat hated not being able to protect him.

Dave pulled away from the other boy's embrace, losing his balance a bit, but just barely catching himself. Karkat reached out to him, helping him balance a bit. "He must have had his fair share of drinks," Karkat began to think to himself, but he was honestly just glad that Dave's crying had ceased for the moment being.

"Do you have your keys?" Karkat asked.

"Yeah, of course I do," Dave pulled them out of his pocket as he spoke, "why?"

"Cause if you leave them in there, someone is going to steal your car."

"Are we leaving it here?"

"Dave, only one of us is in a state where we can drive. We can come get your car in the morning, but if it comes in between your car and your safety, you should already know what's my priority," Karkat was a person who deeply cared for his friends, but Dave was always his number one priority. He couldn't really describe how he felt towards Dave, but it was something he knew was pretty irreplaceable.

"Okay," Dave pouted, grabbing his phone out of his car and then shutting the door. After locking the doors, they both made their way to Karkat's car.

When both of them were inside, and Karkat was sure Dave was buckled up, they were on their way. It was a little quieter than either of them would have thought it'd be, but there was a reason for it. Dave was trying to recollect himself as much as he could, even though he knew he would probably end up breaking down again. Karkat was still trying to assess the situation, and thinking of what to say or what questions to ask. 

His house was only about three minutes away. If Dave hadn't told Karkat he had drunk anything, they would have probably been there quite a while ago. And before they knew it, Karkat was pulling into his driveway.

They hopped out of the car, Karkat going to Dave's side just in case his balance failed him again. Karkat helped him into the house, sitting them both down on the couch after finally getting inside.

Karkat let it be silent for a minute before asking a question, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"What is there to say? You already know what happens in that house," Dave shrugged as he spoke. Karkat had never actually seen him in a state like this. They had talks like this over the phone, but not once has he seen Dave so distraught in person.

"Well, what happened tonight?"

"We were strifing, and he beat me as usual, but this time was different. I called him out for what he was doing: I told him this was abuse. I didn't know what the fuck was going on 'cause as soon as I said that he beat the absolute shit out of me." Dave was beginning to tear up again, "He told me I didn't know what I was talking about and that I would get it when I was older." He stared at the ground, but then suddenly looked up at Karkat, "what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I mean seriously, what the fuck even goes through his mind?"

Karkat was silent, but Dave knew it was because he didn't know what to say. He didn't mind too much, it was just nice to have someone to rant to. 

"I used to know." Dave leaned his back against the couch, sinking into it as he looked towards the ceiling.

"Used to know what?" Karkat raised his brow a bit.

"What went through his mind. We used to be close, all of us. Me, him, and Dirk. We were all we had, and I don't know what changed that. It sucks that I don't know because I just sit awake for fucking hours at night wondering what the fuck happened to him to become the way he is now." Dave's voice was becoming weaker. "It wasn't anything really bad until Dirk left. After that, it just got so much worse."

After that sentence, Dave burst into tears again. It was really hard for him to keep himself together, even if normally it seemed it was something easy for him. Karkat wrapped his arms around his side and let Dave cry again. He could understand just how hard it was to keep everything bottled up, so when Dave finally burst, Karkat was always there to comfort him.

"This wouldn't have happened if Dirk didn't leave..." The pain in his voice was almost too much to bear, "why did he leave me?"

It was obvious that Dave resented Dirk for getting out of the house, but maybe it was closer to the feeling of betrayal. Dave tended to lie a lot when it came to how he felt, or at least when he was sober, so Karkat he realized that Dave had lied when he said he was over Dirk leaving.

"It's okay," Karkat spoke quietly as he hugged Dave.

"You just don't understand how close I was tonight."

"What do you mean?" Karkat felt like he was on a rollercoaster with tonight's events. His worry kept going high and low, and what Dave had just said made another spike. He knew where he was going.

"Karkat, I can't do this anymore. It's so fucking hard to live with myself and my past. I haven't seen a future for myself in so long." Dave's voice shook every time he let a word out, and not to mention he himself was shaking too. "If I weren't here with you, I don't think I would've lived to see the morning."  
Karkat sat up again, so he could see Dave face-to-face. "Dave, you have no idea just how much you mean to me. You are one of the best people in my life, and I wouldn't trade you for the world. I know I don't say shit like that a lot, but I seriously mean it. The thought of you ever coming to that point hurts me more than you could ever know. I seriously cannot lose you, I refuse to fucking lose you. You have to promise me that if you feel like you are a danger to yourself, you'll call me. I am always going to be here for you, alright?

I'm not going anywhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kind of seems like it ends in the middle of the conversation, I know, but trust me when I say I could not find a single way to add more to this chapter. If I kept going on, this chapter would literally never end, so I decided to end it at a place that would be a nice ending instead of one that wouldn't flow easily into an end. Anyways, I wont ramble for too long. I really liked writing this chapter :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some time skips throughout the chapter. They're really weird and out of my normal writing style, plus i really don't like skipping in the middle of a chapter, but without those skips this chapter would never get finished so :/

It almost felt too early in the morning. Dave felt warm, golden light hit his skin from the peak of some curtains, the light adding to his killer migraine. He knew it wasn't actually all that early, it just felt that way. He looked around at his surroundings once his eyes adjusted to the environment. The TV was playing as some sort of background audio and it took him a minute to realize he was in Karkat's house. 

Karkat was latched onto Dave's side, his arms wrapping around his waist and his head leaning against Dave's chest. He was still asleep, and Dave would end up feeling guilty is he woke him up. Karkat already had to deal with him last night, so he was probably pretty tired. Dave leaned his against the back of the couch, looking up towards the ceiling. Last night's events coming back to him in waves, which didn't help the guilt he was already feeling.

It was something about how Karkat always comforts him that drew Dave to call. He was really the only person Dave trusted with that kind of thing. Nobody else knew about just how bad his condition was except for Karkat. He hoped Karkat wasn't mad at him for last night. Dave dragged Karkat out of his house to just fucking find him having a panic attack on the side of the highway: how embarrassing. Though, no matter how "embarrassing' it was, Dave was still thankful Karkat did that for him. He was always on edge, but that was one of the rare times he fell into the deep end. It was something he could only describe as a type of tunnel vision. He wouldn't have been here. He wouldn't have even been alive if Karkat hadn't helped him.

Dave's train of thought slammed it's brakes as he looked down at a waking Karkat. He let out a soft yawn, subconsciously pulling himself close to Dave as he waited for himself to feel more awake.

"Mornin'" Dave spoke out to him, which immediately made Karkat jump up, pulling himself away from Dave. It finally set into his mind that he was asleep on Dave, and it was a little obvious he was pretty flustered.

"Hey," Karkat's voice was kind of raspy as he spoke, rubbing his eyes hoping it would wake him up. He looked over to Dave when he was finished, "how're you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck," Dave laughed softly, letting a bit of silence drag out before he spoke again. "I'm really sorry about last night, but thank you."

"It's okay, don't worry about it. I wasn't just going to let you do reckless shit like that."

"But I made a promise to you, and I broke it."

"It's fine, seriously. I get it, you've got a lot on your plate and I know you just weren't thinking clearly. Shit happens."

Dave nodded, trying his best to get rid of the headache pounding through his skull. Karkat seemed to understand just about everything. It was almost as if he were hinting at a problem of his own, but Dave wouldn't know, and he wouldn't ask either. Dave was aware that they both were pretty stubborn, and it would be hard to get an answer out of him, so he decided it was no use. 

Though, it would definitely be a conversation for another time.

"You know, maybe you should eat something," Karkat mentioned, "after that, we can go get your car."

"Well, what do you have?"

"I don't know, let's see," Karkat stands up from the couch, stretching out a little bit before he began his walk towards the kitchen. Dave soon followed, feeling a little nauseous as he stood up. He took in a deep breath, trying to clean the feeling out of his system before making his way to Karkat. Dave sat at one of the chairs that were placed around the kitchen's island. Karkat rummaged through his fridge, and Dave watched as he did so. 

Dave had been to Karkat's house quite a few times, so the scenery wasn't anything unfamiliar. Everything in his home was so much different from the things in his own that it was almost impossible for him to not be intrigued by how nice everything was. Dave led his glance towards Karkat, to which had his back faced towards him. His hair was pretty messy and he was still in a pair of pajama pants, along with his normal sweater. He seemed to be talking to himself, or maybe he was talking to Dave: he wasn't paying attention. Dave was still trying to suppress the side effects of his hangover. He laid his head down between his arms in hopes that the vertigo he was feeling would go away. Dave was at least lucky enough to have his shades to protect his already sensitive eyes from the light environment.

"Dave," Karkat had raised his voice, trying to grab his attention.

He gently shot up out of his train of thought, "huh?"

The other boy rolled his eyes, "did you even hear me?"

No. He hadn't heard him, but he would sure act like he did.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Okay, so is that okay?"

"Sure." Dave had no idea what he had agreed to, but it was probably some selection of food. When Karkat began pulling things out of the fridge, Dave put his head back down. It seemed to become harder and harder from him to suppress the urge to vomit, but getting up to walk all the way across the house to get to the bathroom sounded like hell to him at the moment. Then, the golden moment finally came.

Dave got up, steadily gathering his pace as he scurried off into the bathroom. When he was close enough to the bowl, he finally began spilling his guts, which immediately got Karkat's attention. He set everything to the side and rushed over to Dave.

Karkat got down by his side, rubbing his back in an effort of comforting him. Dave kept on for a minute, getting out just about everything in his system. It was something he was used to, yet it seemed every time it happened it felt like it was the first time.

Dave's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, seeing the contact. Terezi was calling him.

"Hello?"

"Hey cool kid, you up for a day out on the town?"

"What?" Dave didn't have the capacity to put up with her antics.

Terezi groaned, "Ugh, you're no fun! Whatever, wanna hang at the mall?"

"Yeah sure, but I'm with Karkat."

"Oh really?" Her voice sounded devious, "what's the story behind that?"

Dave was quick to roll his eyes, even though she couldn't see him do so, "shut up, there's literally nothing."

"Oh my god, dude I was joking. What's got you in such a mood? Is it your time of the month darling?"

"How did you know?"

Terezi laughed a bit as he finally began to play along, "okay, but seriously. You're being really pissy right now."

"Terezi, I just spent like five minutes throwing up and I've got a killer hangover."

"Oh," Dave could almost hear her raise her brow through the phone, "so it was that kinda night, huh?" She teased.

"It's seriously not whatever the fuck you're thinking it was," he was sure to get that idea straight out of her mind then and there. "Anyway, what time?"

"In like an hour or two, somewhere around that. I'll text you when Kanaya gets to my place."

"Oh yeah, who's gonna be there?"

"Uh, just about everyone, or at least the normal people we hang out with. Jade's gonna be there too."

"Jade never comes out to hang with us, what changed?" Dave questioned. They were really only friends when they were in school. Jade usually had better things to do and she happened to live pretty far away. She was only able to keep going to their school because she had got a transfer.

"I dunno, but I'm not complaining."

"Yeah." Dave paused, "well anyway, we'll be there."

"You better be!" Terezi chimed through the line, then the call was ended.

Karkat, who had been listening to Dave while he was on the phone, finally piped up. "What was that about?"

Dave turned to face him, seeing Karkat had his arms crossed and his brow raised. "Oh, nothing really. Terezi called asking if we wanted to hang out at the mall."

"And you said yes?"

"Duh. Of course I said yes."

Karkat let out a long, pained groan. 'And you're dragging me along?" He already knew the answer to that question, so it was almost pointless asking. 

"Absolutely."

Karkat seemed to be unhappy with that response but didn't fight or throw a fit. He was okay with going out as long as Dave was there. He never really picked a fight with Dave, or at least not recently. It was fairly easy to get Karkat out of his house now, and all of his friends were pretty thankful for that.

"Then I guess we should go get your truck," the smaller boy sighed.

"Yeah, that's a grand idea you got there Mr. Vantas," Dave couldn't help but grin at his own words.

Karkat glared at him, "don't call me that."

Dave laughed as he watched Karkat ascend up the stairs. "I'm getting ready," he spoke from the top of the stairs.

'I'll be waiting m'lady!"

Karkat groaned again, loud enough for Dave to hear from downstairs. He laughed at him for a second before sitting on the couch. He pulled out his phone, opening it only to see that Terezi had messaged him after their call.

\---- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:17 ----  
GC: SO WH4TS TH3 STORY?  
TG: what do you mean?  
GC: OH COM3 ON  
GC: D1D YOU ST4Y TH3 N1GHT?  
GC: D1D SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N?  
GC: 4R3 YOU TWO M34NT TO B3? >; ]  
TG: omg  
TG: terezi  
TG: literally nothing happened  
TG: just two bros hangin out man  
GC: SUUUUR3 OK  
GC: YOU SHOULD T3LL H1M >: /  
TG: yeah yeah i know  
TG: i will  
TG: just not now  
GC: WHY NOT?  
GC: AR3 YOU SC4R3D OR SOM3THING?

He was obviously scared.

TG: no  
TG: get that idea straight out of your head  
TG: it's just not the time yet  
TG: gotta make sure that shits perfect  
TG: romeo and juliet up in this bitch  
GC: YOU KNOW TH3Y DI3D R1GHT?  
TG: okay but  
TG: without dying  
TG: or maybe we do  
TG: whos to say?  
GC: Y1K3S  
GC: TH1S 1S G3TT1NG MORB1D  
GC: 1M OUT  
TG: we'll discuss more later  
GC: PL34S3 DONT  
\---- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:25 ----

After picking up Dave's truck, they obviously had to drive there separately. He must've spilled a bottle in his car somewhere because the smell of alcohol still prominently stood out. He didn't enjoy it too much, but he ended up being grateful that he had left a sweatshirt in his passenger seat. Dave was still wearing his shirt from last night, which had his own blood dripped all over it. He was happy he wouldn't have to endure all of his friend's questions, that is of course if they don't question the cut on his cheek. Though, it only took him a few seconds to decide he would just tell them he got into a fight with some kid and leave out details.

Soon enough, he was in the mall parking lot, trying to find a place to park. Dave ended up having to park near the back of the lot, which was much to his disliking. Not even a minute after, Karkat's car pulled into the spot beside him. Dave was sure to give him a grin before hopping out of his won car and walking around to the door of Karkat's.

"Funny seeing you here," Dave joked.

"Uh-huh," he rolled his eyes, but Dave could see his little smile. 

They ended up walking in together, trying to find the others as they did so. Eventually, both the boys found their friends standing around one of the arcade games, cheering on Sollux and Aradia as they played a two-player shooter game.

Dave immediately joins in, cheering for Aradia because she was winning a the time. Everyone could tell it was really pissing Sollux off. He had always hated to lose, which sucked for him because he was so competitive. 

Sollux practically smashed the machine once the game had ended. Aradia beat him, and everyone was cheering her on. She celebrated her victory before turning to her rather pissed off partner.   
She gave him a kiss on the cheek, to which he immediately dismissed and crossed his arms.

"Oh come on, did you want me to just let you win?"

"No," Sollux grumbled.

"Then stop being so pouty!" There was both a sense of joking and complete seriousness as she spoke. Sollux only ended up rolling his eyes, mumbling a 'whatever' to himself.

"Great timing Harley," Dave grinned as he watched a girl in a cute green dress stroll down the big corridor towards them.

She seemed to be a lot happier when she noticed Dave was here too, flashing a big smile at him, "glad I could make it!"

Dave wrapped his arm around her shoulder in a sort of side hug. "I don't think I have ever seen you outside of school, or honestly even heard from you. Do you sleep as much as you do in class?"

Jade pushes him away jokingly, "shut up! I don't sleep all the time!"

"I can heavily assure you that everyone in a 20-mile radius would disagree with you."

"Jade, you do sleep a lot. I don't get how you manage to keep up with your classes," Rose chimed in, agreeing with Dave.

"You cannot fool me Harley, these shades can actually see the truth, fucking magical shit going on in here man." Dave taps the side of his temple and leans down towards her just enough for her to see he was squinting and trying to be mysterious.

"Oh really," she slyly raises a brow, showing a good smirk as she looks up at him.

Terezi makes a fake gagging sound, "God, get a room!"

Jade's cheeks seem to go a little red as she hears Terezi's comment, taking a step away from Dave, trying to play it off with a laugh.

It wasn't really working though. Karkat had seen way too many shitty rom-coms to know where this was going. They would start out as the stupid "ew I would never date you!" dynamic, then slowly defy the odds and hook up at some shitty bar and make their way back to some shitty motel and-- Karkat shakes the train of thought from his head. Except he doesn't because it wouldn't even be slow! They'll probably be married with a dog by the end of the week!

"Terezi, no need to be so jealous! I'm sure there's time for me to fit you into my schedule."

Not only will they be married, but they'll already invest in a house and buy the house of their dreams. Then, before you know it, they have kids! Living, breathing, children! He could already see it now. Karkat's role would forever be the character who is secretly in love with Dave, yet never got his chance because he let some weird future-scientist girl who probably spends half of her days sleeping and the other oddly obsessing over furries take him.

"If you ever try to flirt with me, I might break your nose." Terezi scoffs, with a grin peeled onto her face.

"Wouldn't be the first time it had happened," Dave shrugged. It had happened with Bro, yes, but the time he was mention was from when he was in middle school. He tried to go out with a girl and was not smooth at all. Moral of the story, try not to mention a girl's breasts on the first date. 

Terezi howled with laughter, "Oh my god you're kidding me!"

Then part of their life would get really hard as they lost one of their children, but find solace in fucking Christmas. They get hella gifts for the rest of their lives and Dave becomes fucking Santa Claus and his children start to become rebellious and hate both him and Jade. Then they stop believing in Santa and apparently so does everyone else ever and then Dave doesn't know what to do and retires from the Santa position and then has an affair and Jade leaves him and takes the fucking kids. She TAKES the fucking KIDS!

"Karkat, you good?" Sollux asks as he looks towards him, snapping him out of his "glare at Jade" session.

"What? Of fucking course I am," Karkat hisses back.

"Okay dude, calm down, I surrender," Sollux sarcastically raises his hands up as if Karkat was a cop who had found that he had committed first degree murder. What is with these long and convoluted smilies and metaphors?

Karkat simply just rolled his eyes, looking back towards Dave and Jade. It seems that during his surge of distraction the group had already decided where they were all going to go.  
Dave stayed towards Jade as they walked. Aradia, Sollux, Kanaya and Rose seemed to be in a conversation. Terezi walked at Karkat's side.

Karkat's glare kept on, only now he would shift his eyes every now and then so he wouldn't seem so suspicious for staring. The way her mannerisms were towards him and just how close she was to his side was annoying. He had never really cared for Jade before, but if she shoots her shot first, Karkat would be left in the dark. He wondered how Dave felt about her, but mainly just begged and pleaded that he wouldn't be into her. 

"Karkat, you're talking to yourself," Terezi leaned a little closer to his ear so everyone wouldn't hear her.

"I am?" Karkat raised a brow looking over at her, and his question received an affirmative nod. "Shit, well I mean can you blame me? She is literally all over him!" Karkat spoke pretty quietly, but they had trailed a little bit behind the others so they probably wouldn't have even heard him anyway. 

"Oh my god, Karkat are you seriously jealous of Jade right now?"

"No!" Karkat replied. Terezi was not buying it, you could see it all over her face. "Ugh. Okay yeah, but again, can you blame me? I mean look at--" He stopped his sentence seeing that now Jade had Dave's arm wrapped around her shoulder, "you're fucking kidding me."

"Oh come on Karkat, the only reason they're so close is because they've known each other for forever."

"Wow, thanks for the fucking info! Glad to know I really don't stand a chance now!" Karkat rolled his eyes as much as he possibly could. He had known Dave for less than a year! Who knows?   
Maybe they've already been a thing before and they're rekindling the burning fire that is their relationship. 

"Karkat, I am going to be honest with you, there is no way that Dave is into her." Terezi already knew that Dave was into him. He didn't really make an effort to keep it a secret. Rose, Kanaya, and 

Terezi had known since Dave was beginning to think he liked Karkat. 

"You don't know that."

"I know more than you think I do Karkat. I swear he is in no way into her."

Karkat kept quiet after that, giving an envious glare towards the girl in green. When they finally ended up walking into a store, the group was met with fancy suits and dresses of all varieties. 

Kanaya was already eyeing silky slim-fit dresses while the others were just grabbing things to try on. Dave, who had finally peeled himself away from Jade, walked up to Karkat holding a red prom-like dress to his figure.

"How do you think it'd look on me?" He grinned as he noticed Karkat's confusion.

"I don't know, maybe try it on and we'll see." Karkat was obviously joking, which was almost out of character for him.

"Okay," Dave shrugged his shoulders as he began to make his way towards the dressing rooms.

Karkat followed after him, "wait, are you serious?"

"Absolutely. I think I'd look hot." Dave walked into one of the open rooms, closing the door.

Karkat sat on one of the chairs across from the tiny rooms. He couldn't believe he was waiting there just for Dave to come out in a dress. Karkat could not deny that it was pretty funny though. It felt like an eternity waiting for him to put the thing on, but it was obvious once he did.

"Holy shit! I look hot as hell!" Dave exclaimed happily from the small space. He opened the door, finally showing Karkat. He came outside with a smug grin, twirling a bit as he began to feed into the look. "What'd ya think?"

The dress was extremely long and gave a flattering curve around the waist. The straps were off the shoulder and gave in to a small V-dip in the middle of the chest. The skirt of the dress had silver and golden yellow gems slowly fading up the dress, which helped it catch other people's attention. There seemed to be ruffles underneath the silky exterior fabric, making Dave almost look like a Disney princess. The silk folded accordingly and the ends reached all the way towards the ground. The back dipped a little further down than the rest of the top, but it seemed to make it more flattering. Red really was his color, especially when he was wearing a two thousand dollar dress. It made his figure look pretty feminine and honestly, well, hot. 

Karkat had to at least give a chuckle towards him before giving an answer, "damn, yeah. You were right."

"Of course I was right, I'm always right."

"Sure you are," Karkat spoke sarcastically, "don't get too full of yourself Dave."

"I have got to go show off," Dave laughed a bit before making his way towards their friends. Terezi seemed to get a real kick out of it. She howled with laughter upon seeing him. Rose covered her mouth as she started to chuckled and Kanaya walked over to him to fix up the sleeves with an amused grin. Jade told him that he, quote-on-quote, "looked fine as hell."

When Dave was finally done showing off himself, he changed back into his normal attire and the group collectively agreed that they were bored with this store. The group slowly made their way down to stores such as Spencer's and Box Lunch, along with FYE and Hot topic for Rose. Some of them ended up buying things they would never use ever again, or things that generally served no purpose other than getting to say that you have them. Dave still stuck towards Jade, which annoyed Karkat to death. From Dave's perspective, he just wanted to hang out with a friend he didn't really see too often.

"I guess we should get going," Sollux started up as they reached the arcade again. It was close to the front entrance so they had decided to go back there so when they were ready to leave, they could.

"See you guys," Aradia smiled and waved. The rest of them threw parting phrases at the two as they began to finish up as well.

Jade suddenly groaned with a frown, "my grandpa is here."

"Aw man, well, it was cool to get to see you," Dave gave her a hug as she got closer to him. "Yeah it was cool to see you too," before she pulled away from their embrace to leave, she left a small kiss on his cheek. Jade gave him a big smile and a wave to the others then began to walk away out the door.

Karkat was not feeling good about that. Jade seriously just did that right in front of him. Karkat could bet twenty dollars that she was already making wedding plans.

"Maybe we should all leave together? Just since people are already leaving one by one, we might as well, right?" Kanaya proposed, to which they collectively agreed.

"Hey Dave, could you give me a ride?" Terezi asked.

"Uh, yeah sure."

They made their way out of the building, Rose and Kanaya heading a separate way because of their parking. Karkat seemed to look pretty pissed, but Dave didn't really know why and assumed it probably would be in his best interest not to ask.

"Do you think Jade like, has a thing for me?" Dave turned his head to look at Karkat who seemed like he might just explode.

"It's literally so fucking obvious she does, did you seriously not pick up on it?"

"Oh." Dave began to think about it, and the more he thought of today's events, the more he realized the Jade was actually hella into him.

"What's that for?" Karkat questioned in relation to his tone of disappointment, "do you not like her or something?"

"No, definitely not." Dave started up. Terezi glared at Karkat from the other side, practically screaming "I told you so" just from her expression. "She's just a childhood friend. Like one of those people you would never be friends with now, but because you've known them for so long it just kind of works, y' know?"

Karkat immediately took a raincheck, letting all his acts of jealousy fade away from his mind. They finally reached their cars after some silence passed. Dave was the first one to pipe up again,   
"well, I'll see you later Karkitty."

Karkat's temporary sense of happiness immediately faded back into annoyance as he heard that, "call me that one more time and I will be on death row for my terribly inhumane act of first-degree murder."

Dave grinned as he hopped into his car, waiting for Terezi to get in too. As soon as she was in, she heavily glared at Dave, which made him raise a brow. 

"What?"

"Dave, are you kidding me? I thought you liked Karkat!" She was really annoyed, even after hearing the conversation that has previously taken place.

He was obviously taken aback by what she said, "What the fuck are you talking about Terezi? Of course I like him."

"I swear to god, you need to make a move before you drive me insane! He would not stop fucking talking about you and Jade I was literally going to strangle him."

"He was talking about me?" Dave questioned.

"Of course he was talking about you! Please just ask him out for the love of God," Terezi had to deal with both of them going on long spiels about how much they liked the other and she was officially tired of hearing about it.

"I don't know Terezi, what of he just doesn't feel that way towards me?"

Terezi facial expression dropped, "you're kidding me right? Dave, you two talk about each other all the fucking time and I literally will lose my mind if I have to hear another rant about how he makes you feel or how you make him feel. He literally feels the same way please for the sake of my sanity just fucking do something about it!"

It seemed almost a little too quiet for a second. "Okay. I'll tell him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how hard it was to write this chapter omg. I've been feeling pretty uninspired recently so I'm sorry this took so long. It's been over a month since i've updated with an actual chapter. It's really just this chapter, so don't worry about future chapters! I'll probably feel a lot more motivated now! It's just really difficult to write such dull chapters and try to make them entertaining. Sadly, chapters like these are actually needed to progress the plot. I have 70+ pages of the plot written out in my notebook, so things should go smoothly. I should only have trouble writing chapters 12, 13, and 14. After those chapters, I don't think i'll be able to pull myself away from my laptop! Man i write so much in these notes, I'll stop before i say too much.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this from 5am to 8am i am so tired

"Rough day huh?" Dave turned to Karkat as they walked the corridor leading to the exit.

"That's an understatement." Karkat was seriously not in the mood at all today. He seemed pretty low on energy, or at least less than normal.

"What happened?" 

Karkat let out a long sigh before beginning his small tirade. "Well for starters my Dad has only been home for a week and he's leaving again, plus this morning he decided he wanted to yell at me for such fucking dumb shit. Then I went to my car, ready to fucking go to school and shit, and then my goddamn car decides 'you know what? Let me make your entire day full of bullshit' and doesn't start. I had to go to the bus stop, but guess who missed the bus? Out of all fucking days, it had to come early as hell, so I ended up having to call Kanaya to save my ass from the wrath of our school's fucking attendance system. I failed my chemistry test and my entire day is just fucking ruined and nothing is going right, but that's just the basics."

"Damn bro, okay," Dave tapped his shoulder in a 'simmer down cherry-bomb' sort of way, "sounds like you could really use a break."

"Yeah, you're telling me," Karkat ruffled his own hair a bit, moving it from out of his face. This was one of the most stressful days he had ever gone through. The frustration was almost too much to keep contained as if he would blow up at any minute.

"I know a place that I always go to when I feel like I'm losing it. It's really nice and I swear it'll wipe your stress away. I can take you there if you'd want," Dave made the offer very straight forward, but kept the description of the place very vague. He wouldn't want to spoil his first impression of the absolutely magnificent scenery.

"I don't know Dave."

"Oh, come on! Do you have anything better to do?" Dave auctioned off the offer once more, which was followed with a defeated groan.

Dave took that as a yes to his offer, walking towards his truck with a grin. He clicked the doors unlocked with his key and threw his backpack in the back seat. He grabbed the aux cord dangling from his radio as Karkat hopped into the passenger seat.

"The drive is a little lengthy, but don't worry, I've got a full tank of gas and a working radio."

Karkat had immediately presumed he would play whatever shitty rap songs he normally listened to, so he was a bit taken aback to hear a soft piano and guitar medley. It was a song that Karkat had actually recognized: "Mothers" by Daughter. Dave had specifically picked one of his softer playlists to hopefully help calm some of Karkat's nerves, plus it was good music for long car rides.   
He knew that Karkat liked some of the artists in the playlist, so he was sure to queue songs he would know before finally heading off, away from town.

They lived in the city of a generally rural area, so seeing country-like parts of their city was something they were used to. It was awfully calming riding through the country, they had both always found it that way. Some trees were losing their final leaves as December quickly approached, others were still littered with warm, autumn colors. They all seemed to blur into one as they passed by. Clouds formed into the shapes of familiar faces and places as they sat high above the fields of various vegetables and long, dry grass. Karkat tried to make out what showed in the fluffy imagery, while Dave kept his eye peeled to the road. The sky was still blue, but the light was soon threatening to bid farewell.

After around an hour and a half, Dave finally got off of the main road, going down a faded dirt road. It wasn't an obvious route; you would have to know where you were going to find it. The path looked oddly suspicious as if there was something happening here that Karkat wasn't supposed to know.

"Where the hell are we going?" Karkat finally piped up with a question.

Dave couldn't help but chuckle a bit. He already knew what the other was thinking, "don't worry, I'm not dragging you out here to kill you or anything. Just tryin to show you a real hidden gem."

Karkat still didn't really let his guard down. He did trust Dave, but these days you really never know. After a few minutes of driving through what seemed like endless woods, there seemed to be a small lot for designated parking. Dave made his own parking spot, since nothing was marked, and turned off the engine. He unplugged his phone and opened his door. Karkat got out when he noticed Dave opening his door, walking over to the other side of the vehicle.

"Okay, follow me, it's like a two-minute walk and then we're there." Dave shot a grin at Karkat, which helped him loosen up a little.

They continued down a small hiking trail, dodging poison ivy plants and watching out for snakes. A canopy of leaves sat over them, some falling down as the light of sunset began to peek through. It was almost ethereal watching the golden light peak through from above, leaving little beams of spotlight onto ferns and tree bark. Dave didn't have to tell Karkat when they were there, it was obvious. The seemingly endless sea of trees ended abruptly, revealing a cliff looking out over a river.

Clouds were fading from their original white color into pinks and purples and the sky turned into what looked like a gold mine. Reflections of the portrait in the sky rippled through the clear water, some parts sparkling as if it were made of glitter. The way the light transformed the landscape was exquisite, it was as if he were witnessing one of Mother Nature's greatest creations. Dave made his way towards the ledge, sitting down and dangling his legs below him, to which Karkat followed.

"How do you know about this place?" Karkat asked, he was still pretty fascinated with the area.

"My Mom used to love this place. We would come up here all the time for picnics and whatnot. I've always really loved it here."

Karkat didn't want to get into the topic of Dave's family. He knew that would lead to more stress for both of them in an area that's supposed to do the opposite. "How often do you come here?"

"I'm not sure actually. Usually, whenever I can find the gas and the time, you caught me on a lucky day Vantas."

They both let the silence linger. The passing sounds of birds flying in flocks overhead, leaving for warmer weather. There was no other human in sight, it felt like they were both the only people alive. It was something Karkat had honestly felt before but wished he could feel more. Dave was the only person he really ever wanted to be around, and though he couldn't really wrap his head around a reason why, it was exactly the way he wanted to feel.

"Listen," Dave broke the silence, "Karkat, you're really important to me. You've really been there for me any way you possibly could and I am more grateful for that than anything. I'm really grateful for you, and I mean that. You are the most important person in my life and you make me feel what I never thought I'd be capable of feeling."  
It was obviously hard for him to talk so directly from his heart, but Karkat heard every bit of it. Though, he wasn't exactly too sure of what to think just yet.

"Okay, what I'm trying to say here is that I'm really into you Karkat and I just can't get you off my mind no matter how hard I try. There are so many things I want to say, but I couldn't even attempt to put them into words. I really hope you feel the same way," Dave couldn't get out exactly what he had wanted to say, but he tried as best as he could. Though, it was a little funny how a boy with such confidence suddenly flustered up when he liked someone.

Karkat knew how he felt about this, but there was something more that would weigh his decision. He was never really one for relationships, they were always something put in the back of his mind. He knew he liked Dave, but Karkat had never expected this to get so far. It was something that seemed so simple, yet tough at the same time.

"Dave, I like you too. I feel the same way, I really do, but I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship or anything. It's tough, and it's not your fault, I just don't really know if I can handle it." Karkat felt awful, he knew it might hurt his feelings. He could almost see Dave's heart drop.

Then there was silence. It seemed as if there was a lot going on in each of their heads, and there was. The sense of guilt Karkat felt was overpowering him as Dave began to brainstorm ways to salvage their potential relationship.

"Okay, how about this," Dave had finally caught an idea, "what if we take things slow. Nothing official, and we'll see how it goes from there."

Karkat thought over it for a minute before coming to a decision.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it's not my best, i'll probably end up rewriting it but i am so tired right now it is time for a nap. no long note today lmfao


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys happen to see errors, comment them so i know! it would really help me out. i run all the chapters through a spell check system but sometimes it doesn't catch everything, so just let me know so i can fix it :)

"Where were you last night? I was trying to call you, but you never answered," Terezi questioned the smaller boy who was strolling up to the table their friend group took up every morning.

"I was with Dave, my phone was off," Karkat replied, yawning shortly after. He was sure to keep his hair covered by the red hood he was wearing, taming his hair so his curls wouldn't be flying away everywhere.

Sollux chuckled, "yeah no kidding. What's the story behind that?" He pointed at the hoodie which clearly was not his.

"It was fucking cold after dark and he let me have it," Karkat sat his backpack on top of the table, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"No dude, what's the real story? You two a thing or something?"

"We're just seeing where things go," Karkat rolled his eyes as much as he possibly could. He knew he really shouldn't have said anything because now he would have to spend the entire day with Sollux teasing and joking at him. Terezi shot up as she heard what Karkat said.

"Wait, seriously?" Terezi was really quite shocked. Even though Dave had told her he would do something, she was never actually expecting him to after the many times he had postponed it before. Karkat only nodded at her, then looked back at Sollux who knew he was about to get a real kick out of this.

Suddenly, two hands placed themselves onto Karkat's shoulders, making his jump as he heard an all too familiar voice say, "Boo."

"Fuck, don't do that Dave," His short temper popping out as he scolded him. Dave seemed to just grin at him. "What?" Karkat piped up again, referring to why he was staring at him.

"You wore my hoodie," Dave appeared to be really happy about it, so there wasn't much Karkat could complain about. He was pretty content with being Dave's reason to smile, it was a nice feeling.

Karkat rolled his eyes once more, a smile peeking from the corner of his lips, "why wouldn't I? It's really comfy, I like it." Dave's eyes seemed to light up, it was actually kind of sweet.

"Then you should keep it," He suggested, "you look better in it than I do anyway."

Karkat never really expressed it much, but compliments were his kryptonite. His cheeks were a bit redder than normal, but for once he didn't mind it. More of their friends began to file in as it got closer to the time to go to first period. Kanaya came first, then Rose, and finally Jade. Jade always seemed to make herself known, or maybe only to Karkat. She still continued to be all over him all the time, and it was becoming way too obvious she was flirting. He really wished Dave would just tell her off, especially since now they were a thing yet Jade's introduction this morning was hugging Dave over his shoulders from behind him. Needless to say, it immediately killed Karkat's mood.

"Hey Harley," Dave was sure to greet her, as he usually did.

Jade didn't seem to hesitate when she began to speak, "Dave, do you think we could talk for a minute?"

"What?" Karkat thought. What could she possibly want to talk about with him? It would be pointless for her to go and spill her guts for him, and he had honestly hoped that she wouldn't. No matter what he had ever thought about her or her character, Karkat didn't want her to feel miserable. She can't control her feelings, nor can she control his. He genuinely wished he could save her from embarrassment.

Dave looked back at Karkat, raising his pointer finger and gesturing to him that he would be a minute. He followed Jade into one of the school's long hallways. There were people walking back and fort, but it didn't really matter too much to her. She just didn't want to be around their friends while she was saying such things.

"What'd you wanna talk about?" Dave questioned when they came to a stop.

It took her a second before she spoke up, "Dave, I don't know if it's already obvious, but I really like you. I'd really like to be with you, and I hope I'm not just really embarrassing myself by telling you."

Her face was hot and dusted with blush as she spoke. It had obviously taken her a lot of courage to finally say something, which is why Dave felt so much worse. He wasn't sure what he should say and what way to word it so that they could still be friends. He didn't want to hurt her. Dave took a long time to think about what to say, unintentionally making Jade more anxious by the second.

"Jade, you're a really sweet girl and any guy would be lucky to have you, but I'm really sorry I just don't feel the same. I know you had no way of knowing, but Karkat and I are sort of a thing now. I really don't mean to hurt you and I really don't want you to be upset, so I'm sorry I can't return the same feelings." Dave tried to keep his voice soft, he knew Jade would be upset, and she most definitely was. He could see her mood drop as soon as he started speaking, it was painful for him too. He absolutely hated it when his friends were upset, even more so when he's the cause.

"It's okay, don't worry about me. I'll be okay," Jade was quick to flash a small smile, "no hard feelings here." She was known as the happy-go-lucky girl, but seeing her mask over her pain so easily genuinely concerned him.

"Are you sure?" Dave asked. He wasn't trying to be self-centered or anything of the sort. To some, it may seem like something someone would only say it they were being too cocky in a "you should be sad, I'm hot shit" kind of manner.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm happy for you and him though."

It was so odd how something that sounded so sweet could only come off to him as something sour. Not in a way to resentment towards Karkat, but more along the lines of realization that the future she had thought of for them would never exist. She seemed to turn off her emotions and replace them with a mask of a smile. Dave couldn't say too much about that though, it seemed to be almost like a daily routine for him.

The silence was interrupted by the ringing of the five-minute bell.

"Oh, I guess I should get to class. I'll see you later though. Thanks for talking with me," Jade left him with a sweet notion of gratitude before walking off in the other direction.

Dave let out a big breath, trying to clear stress from the air. He began to make his way back to the table, yet he ended up meeting Karkat halfway. He grabbed his backpack from Karkat who had grabbed it when he was that Dave was making his way back.

"What was that all about?" Karkat questioned as they began to make their way to their Algebra class.

Dave sighed, trying not to think too much about Jade. He wondered about how she was really feeling right now. "Well, you and Terezi were right about her liking me."

"Oh shit," Karkat said pretty quietly with a frown. He knew Dave too well to know he wouldn't be feeling too great about that, "so I guess she finally told you?"

"Yeah. It really did not feel good letting her down like that. I honestly didn't know what to say. I didn't wanna hurt her, but what else was I supposed to do?"

"How did she take it?"

"Not good," Dave pushed his aviators back up the bridge of his nose, "she thinks she can hide it from me, but she fails to remember I've known her for years. I know when she's upset. I hope it doesn't take her too long to get over me though. I'm really not all that great, I wish she would realize that."

Karkat looked at him with a face full of disapproval, "I agree with hoping she'll feel better soon, but you're pretty great to me, so cut out that bullshit and maybe we can be on the same standpoint."

Dave laughed a bit through his nose, "you're one funny guy Karkat."

"Yeah sure, say what you want, but my statement has not changed," Karkat blurted out before the bell began its annoying tone once again, so it was a good thing they were making their way through the class's door.

They sat on separate sides of the room, mainly due to them getting in trouble for talking all the time when they were sat beside each other. It was more like arguing than talking, but to a teacher those two are generally the same concept. At least during partner work they could work together. Karkat was really bad at Algebra, so he was at least grateful Dave was there to help him when he could. 

For Karkat, most of the period was spent trying to figure out what the hell was going on, then finally giving up from frustration when he couldn't understand it. Though it was way different for Dave, he often spent the period dozing off or doodling on whatever note-page they had received, and today was no different. The thing they both had in common about their class ethic was they were both praying for the bell to ring. Dave was always one of those kids who would get scolded for packing up way too early, but it didn't really seem to bother him. Though, there was really no point in packing up so quickly because he knew he would still have to wait for Karkat to pack up anyway, but he did it regardless.

When the bell finally rang, it sounded like god had just descended from the heavens. Karkat, shoved the stupid fucking note papers into his bag. The fact that this was the class that started his day was not a good thing. If he had a bad morning, most of the time he had a bad day, and that meant he would be snappy and really irritable. Dave would always try to help him though so his day wasn't entirely ruined. Speaking of Dave, he was making his way up Karkat who was throwing his bag onto his shoulder.

"You good?" Dave started, noticing that he really didn't look like he was in the mood.

Karkat let out a defeated sigh as they began to walk out of the class, "How can I fucking understand synthetic division yet the moment you hand me something with radical exponents I can't fucking function?"

"Dude, I can help you out, seriously." He always offered to help Karkat with things outside of class, but his little ball of pride wouldn't let him be helped. Partner work was way different than Dave  
being like his personal tutor.

"Yeah I know, but it's so-" He was suddenly cut off by one of his old teachers.

"Hood down Karkat, you know the rules," her reprimanding him was enough for him to blow a fuse. Either way, he pulled his hood down off of his head only to reveal his messy, unbrushed curls.

Dave ruffled his hair teasingly, to which he only received an annoyed glare. Dave laughed at his a bit before stopping at an intersection of hallways. "I'll see you at lunch, don't miss me too much." 

Dave's cocky grin actually made Karkat smile for once, but he was sure to give him a good middle finger as he began to walk away.

"You would," Dave made his way to class after making his comment, and so did he.

Karkat's class was right where he had parted ways with Dave. It was a little odd as he walked in to notice someone staring at him. Jade seemed to just give him a sad look, but was soon replaced with a smile as soon as she realized that he saw her too. Karkat flashed a quick, small smile at her as he walked past to the back of the class to pick up a textbook, then to his seat. He sat at the edge of the front row, while Jade's seat was in the middle of the second row.

Man did Karkat feel bad. He felt for her, but what was there that he could do? He at least knew Dave was right: she was definitely upset. He was way too focused on if she was okay to focus on his chemistry work, and from the moments he had caught a glimpse of her, she seemed to not be able to focus either. It was upsetting that she was sad, but it was over Dave, and even though they weren't an official thing, they were making their way there. Dave liked him, Karkat didn't decide that for him.

"Karkat," The teacher called on him. Shit. "What is number five?"

Man was he glad he had his sheet out, but that wouldn't really help him because he was also pretty bad at chemistry. Mg(OH)2, thank god it was simple enough, "Magnesium Hydroxide."

"Very good. And is it an acid or a base?"

"It's a base," Karkat was really hoping that was the end of the question because that was about all he knew. When he got another empty compliment from his teacher, he let out his breath.

"Oh come on, what could you possibly have to do?" Karkat groaned as he made his way to his car.

Dave shrugged his shoulders, "Maison de Strider calls man. Bro said he wants me home."

Karkat looked at him with a flat expression, "isn't that more reason to not go?"

Dave looked down at him, raising a brow, "And get my ass beat later?" Karkat kept his mouth shut. "Listen, I know you are absolutely dying to get your hands all over me, I don't blame you."

"Oh my god Dave shut the fuck up, I just wanted to hang out with you," Karkat makes his counterfeit statement.

"Yeah sure," Dave unlocked his truck's door, "I swear, we'll hang out tomorrow, I just don't want Bro to be pissed at me."

"Okay fine," He finally gave up on his attempts to convince Dave to come with him instead of going home. "Text me later though, and stay safe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate writing fillers so much you don't understand uuuuugh


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW !!! Car crash, character death. Please read at your own discretion. Stay safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i deeply apologize

Even though it had been winter for about two weeks now, it was only just beginning to feel like it. The roads were icy and snow continued to fall. The school district didn't think that it was bad enough to call it though, which pissed off just about every student in the county. It was a Monday and it was their first day back off of winter break. Karkat had always hated starting new semesters. It meant new classes and new people and if there was one thing that he really just couldn't handle, it was change. But that was the least of his worries, right now he needed to focus on getting to school in one piece. One patch of black ice and it could be the end, which was a horribly terrifying thought.

After an anxiety-inducing drive, he finally was able to get into the parking lot. When he pulled into the parking lot, Dave seemed to be waiting for him. They always parked beside each other so they could walk out together at the end of the day. Today something seemed wrong, he never did things like this. The only time had he waited to meet him outside was on their one month anniversary, and their next anniversary wasn't for another two weeks. Plus, he didn't look like he was in a good mood: he looked distraught. Karkat turned off the engine and hopped out of his car as he saw Dave walking over towards him. Now that he could get a good look at Dave, it was obvious something was wrong.

"Hey, what's..." Karkat was suddenly wrapped into Dave's arms as he buried his head into his shoulder. He was quick to hug him too, softly rubbing his back as he started to cry. Something bad had happened, Dave never let himself be vulnerable in public. No one was paying attention to them though, and Dave was trying to hide the fact that it was him. He had his hood pulled up and his face was covered in the fabric of Karkat's hoodie.

"What's wrong?"

Dave stayed quiet, his phone was ringing off the hook in his car. He may have left it in there for a reason, all of this felt pretty sudden. For as far as he knew, Dave had been having a good week. Hearing him crying really hurt him, even though it was a sound he had come familiar to. Karkat tried to comfort him the best that he could, but it didn't seem to be working too well.

"Hey, talk to me."

Karkat was trying to reach out to him, he only wanted to know what was happening. Seeing him so distraught scared him. Dave seemed like he was trying to say something, but was becoming overwhelmed by his own emotions that he couldn't speak. Snowflakes were melting onto their clothes, and the frigid air made Karkat's breath visible when he tried to talk.

"It's Jade," Dave almost choked on his words, but that was as much as he could muster out for the time being.

Karkat reached his hand under Dave's hood, running his hands through his hair. He needed to calm down because to Karkat it looked as if he was on the edge of a panic attack. It was alarming and dealing with Dave when he was having a panic attack was terrifying for him. Dave's phone began to ring again, the sound of it seemed to make him cry harder, as if he was in denial.

"Dave what happened to her?"

Karkat tried to reach out to him one last time. It's not that Dave didn't want to tell him, but he felt he couldn't. He didn't want to say it out loud because he was scared that would make it real. He didn't want any of this to be real. Sure, they had made things right again and their friendship was still strong, but part of him always felt guilty that he couldn't give her what she had really wanted from him. The look she gave when she saw him with Karkat felt like it was forever engraved into his brain.

"Some fucking driver hit a patch of black ice and hit her head on," Dave finally spat out. He felt his legs cave in as he dropped to his knees, unintentionally pulling Karkat with him. His voice was quiet and hollow, "she died on impact."

Karkat's heart dropped. It was way worse than he'd thought. He immediately held Dave closer, letting him continue to soak his sweatshirt with tears. "Dave, I'm so sorry," Karkat felt for him. He had lost a friend to a car accident before, though it was under very different circumstances. Jade out of all people did not deserve this. She didn't deserve to die young, no matter how many times she annoyed him, no matter how many disagreements they had: Jade did not deserve to die in a stupid car accident at the age of 16. It wasn't fair for anyone, and Karkat couldn't imagine the grief Dave must have been feeling.

His phone rang again, and he ignored it. His world always seemed to crash, even when things were going well. It was extremely defeating, "This is my consequence for finally having something good." Dave felt selfish for saying that, he knew this had nothing to do with him, but it was how he felt at the moment.

"Dave, you know that's not true," Karkat was sure to reassure him, but Dave began to disagree.

"Karkat, the world is fucking punishing me. It hates me. Took my parents, my brother, and now my best friend," he sounded so weak, "why me?"

"Dave, listen to me, the world doesn't hate you. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how absolutely shitty it is, there's a reason. You were given a tough set of cards, I know, but the world is not out to get you, okay?" Karkat pulled away from Dave so he could get a look at him. Dave nodded at him as Karkat cupped his cheek, wiping away some falling tears with his thumb. Another ringtone began its little tune for what seemed like the hundredth time, "you should get that." Karkat spoke softly, standing up and reaching out his hand to the blonde to help him up.

Dave finally reached his phone, Rose was calling.

"Dave, did you hear what happened?" She wasn't calm as she normally was. Rose already knew the answer to her question, but she was worried about him.

"Yeah... Yeah I know," Dave was barely able to keep himself together. He knew Rose would be hurting too. They had all known each other for so long they felt almost like family. Dave had known Rose since before they started kindergarten and they had met Jade not long after.

"Are you okay? You're not alone, are you?"

"I'm in the school parking lot with Karkat. This all doesn't really seem real..." He let there be a second of silence, "are you okay?"

"It's really hard to deal with, but I'm holding myself together for now."

"Okay, well thank you for checking on me. I love you Rose, text me if you need anything."

"I love you too Dave, you can text me too. Please stay with someone, I really don't want you to be alone."

She had known about how hard things could be for him. She didn't know of any abuse and she didn't know too much about his ongoing problem with alcohol, but she did know that Dave did not handle tough situations well. Rose had to practically pull him off of a roof after Dirk had gone missing, and since then she had been really worried for him and how he would handle things going wrong.

"Yeah, I will."

Then the call was over. Dave sat his phone down on the driver's seat, looking back towards Karkat, "maybe you shouldn't stay here today Dave."  
Karkat got a small nod in return. He knew Dave wouldn't be okay to go through a whole day at school, but he also knew he wasn't leaving Dave alone. After the talk they had a few weeks back, there was no way Karkat was leaving his side. He didn't want Dave to do anything he would regret.

"I'm not leaving you alone, okay? Do you wanna go to my place?"

Dave nodded again, "Yeah, I'll go ahead and drive down there so I don't have to leave my truck here."

"Promise me you'll drive safe," Karkat didn't really feel comfortable letting Dave drive. He knew Dave was impulsive and that the roads were obviously already slick as it is. The thought of anything more going wrong today left Karkat petrified.

"I promise I will."

Karkat let out a deep breath, giving a small "okay" to Dave before walking back over to his car's door. He hopped in, turning his car back on. He hadn't even been in the school, yet he was already going home. How ironic. At least there was a good reason for it. It's not like anyone would know he wasn't at school. Kankri was out of state for his own school and his Dad was on another trip. For once he was thankful he lived alone for the most part.

Karkat got out of the lot first, Dave pulling out right after him. He had no clue where Jade had crashed, but he really hoped they wouldn't pass the sight. There was no way they could've cleaned up the entire site in the short time it had been since it happened. Dave was crushed by all of this, but it really upset Karkat too. Jade was a sweet girl and she had always tried her best to be nice or at least considerate towards him since he moved back into town. She had so much going for her. Jade was super smart, no matter how much she dozed off all the time. She knew so much about science, it was obviously something she was passionate about. Man, she would have made a great scientist.

Karkat was taken off of his train of thought when he noticed what was up ahead. It was just what he feared might have happened. Flashing lights ahead, directing the way of traffic away from debris and first responders still assessing the damages. "Oh shit," Karkat muttered to himself, instinctively holding his breath as he knew what he'd see next. Then, there it was. Her light green car was shoved off of the road. The windows were all cracked and shattered, the front hood was crunched up and clinging to the rest of the vehicle for dear life. No airbags were deployed, and there was a significant, dented crack on the windshield. You could tell she had hit her head hard. The car was shoved into a tree and it looked like the driver's door had been pried open. The truck that had hit her had significantly less damage, only having the hood damaged and a crack in the windshield.

Karkat wiped away little tears going down his face. No one deserved to go out like that, and seeing what had happened made the impact of it so much worse. He made sure to watch Dave in his rearview mirror, making sure he was at least driving okay. They were really close to his house now, so he wasn't too worried, but at the same time he was almost panicking.

After about 5 minutes when Karkat finally pulled into his driveway, he immediately hopped out of the car, seeing Dave begin to park. When he came to a stop Dave got out of the car, doused in tears. He gripped onto Karkat as tight as he could.

It was the hardest he had ever seen Dave cry.

Karkat began tearing up again, everything about this situation hurt him, but Dave's crying brought him over the edge. Karkat's tears dripped onto Dave's shoulder as they both held each other outside of his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay before you say "yOu JuSt KiLlEd HeR bEcAuSe ShE wAs HiTtInG oN dAvE" no that wasn't the reason. Jade is such a minor character in this story and i knew it would be impossible for me to write another huge filler. She wasn't even supposed to be in the story, i just needed some sort of conflict so id finally be interested in writing chapter 10. My original plan for chapter 13 was really boring and I can swear you guys wouldn't have liked it. I only changed the idea i had for this chapter like a night or two ago. anyway im trying to write as much as possible as fast as possible :) plan to have at least three new chapters in the next week !!


	14. Chapter 14

The light was dim from being blocked out by black curtains. The entire room offset the rest of the house, the main color being black. Karkat was still curled up against his boyfriend, and he definitely didn't mind the extra warmth. Dave had come over the night before, not for any reason other than to just spend time with him. These days it was really hard to tear them apart from each other, they were like some shitty combo meal but instead of two burgers or some shit for five bucks, you got two emotionally unstable teenagers. What a bargain! 

Karkat rubbed his eyes, letting his eyes adjust to the light, not that there was much to begin with. He looked at Dave, who seemed to still be sleeping. Karkat could barely tell because of his damn shades, it was absurd that he insisted on sleeping with them on, even after Karkat telling him multiple times that he shouldn't. Dave was stupid and stubborn as always, so Karkat just had to deal with it. What was he going to do? Kick him out for wanting to wear shades to bed? Actually, that might have worked.

Regardless of thoughts of the past, Karkat sat up in the bed, grabbing his phone off his nightstand. 1:30 PM on January 25th. Damn, he had slept for quite a while. He wondered when Dave would finally wake up. It was usually typical for Dave to wake up last, the only question was what time. Karkat set his phone back on the small table as he was about to get up, but then was suddenly stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around his waist.

"Babe, don't get up, I'm cold," Dave pouted, trying to drag Karkat back into the sheets with him. Karkat never failed to get flustered anytime he was called a pet name. Dave really liked using them, and though he complained about them at first, he had grown onto liking them.

Karkat let out an audible sigh, "Dave it's 1:30."

"And? It's the weekend. Come on please," he pleaded. Dave wasn't exactly the world's greatest sleeper, but Karkat seemed to be like a drug that put him immediately to sleep. The comfort of having a significant other was something they both enjoyed. Dave liked being affectionate, whereas Karkat loved the affection.

Karkat groaned as he laid back down, looking over towards him. "I still stand by my point that those cannot be comfy to sleep in."

"Oh shut up, they're fine," Dave stayed close to Karkat, desperately praying he could go back to sleep. Karkat laid his head onto Dave's chest, letting one of his arms lazily draped across his body.

Dave grinned as Karkat curled up onto him again, trying to let himself fall asleep again. Karkat felt Dave's chest rise and fall, it was almost soothing for him. It was something he hadn't really thought about before, but now that they were together, he thought about it almost every time they slept. 

Dave had started staying at Karkat's house more and more often as time went on, which wasn't really a problem for Karkat because it meant that he was away from his brother. He honestly hated it when Dave had to go home. The thought of Dave getting more hurt than he's already been was never a comforting thing for him. He hated seeing new cuts and bruises on him, Dave already had enough scars as it was. He always told Karkat he didn't mind them, but he was smarter than that. Maybe he didn't mind the appearance too much, but Karkat knew the story behind them really bugged him. He just never wanted to admit it.

Karkat couldn't find himself able to go back to sleep, but Dave sure as hell did. Within a matter of five minutes, he was already out like a light. Karkat had tried sleeping for around an hour, but eventually gave up. He managed to slip out of bed without waking up Dave, which he was thankful for. His first destination was the bathroom. Not for any specific reason, just because it was normally where he began his day.

Karkat took a good look in the mirror. Despite the copious amount of sleep he had gotten, he still had little dark spots under his eyes. His hair was practically all over the place. Curls bounced left and right, as if they were trying their hardest to get away from him. He couldn't blame him. Karkat didn't see a single thing he liked. Everything about him was just... off. He always looked tired and unapproachable, which did benefit him, but he also didn't pay much liking to it. The fact that anyone could seem him as something they wanted baffled him. He couldn't really understand why Dave wanted him over everyone else. He chose him over Jade, but Karkat knew Dave's feelings towards her. Dave had told him he felt guilty for not giving her what she wanted from him, and that broke his heart. They usually tried to not bring her up. Not out of disrespect towards her, but out of the need to look out for their own beings.

Karkat escaped the bathroom after finding himself going down trains of thoughts he did not need to be on. He ventured downstairs, immediately going to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. He was most definitely addicted to caffeine, some times even too much. At least it made things consistent in his day. He always started off with a good cup o' joe. God, who even says that anymore? When the brewer finally finished making the hot beverage, he grabbed a mug and poured himself a cup. 

Meanwhile, Dave had been woken up by an annoying ringtone blasting through his ears. He groaned, knowing it was Karkat's so it was probably important. Dave groggily pulled himself from out of the bed, grabbing Karkat's phone and he made his way downstairs. He looked at the contact, seeing that he was correct. It was an important call.

"Karkat, your Dad is calling you," Dave called out as he reached the bottom of the stairs, finding him sipping on a hot cup of coffee.

"Oh shit," Karkat sounded really annoyed and he walked over to grab the phone. He answered as soon as he got it in his hands.

Dave made his way over to the cabinet, grabbing himself a mug so he could begin to wake up.

Karkat then began to speak, "Hello?"

He didn't pay too much attention though, he hadn't been awake long enough to worry about being nosey. He grabbed the pot, pouring some of the dirty bean water into the cup and then picking it up by the handle.

"Are you kidding me? Dad, that's an hour away," Dave had concluded that Karkat was, in fact, very annoyed. 

"No I know, but... Yeah okay but Dad... Could you let me fucking speak please?" He was beginning to lose his temper. Dave listened closely, making sure Karkat would scream his head off and get himself in trouble.

"I know, sorry. I really don't think I have the kind of gas to drive all the way there and to whoever's place just to drop something off for you... ugh, whatever. Fine."

The called was suddenly ended, and Karkat immediately turned back towards Dave. "What was all that about?" Dave piped up, his morning voice still popping out in soft rasps.

Karkat threw he phone onto the kitchen island, running his hand through his hair to help get some of the curls out of his face. "My dad wants me to go pick up a fucking package from his P.O. box. The post office he has it in is an hour away and I have to take it to one of his fucking church members. It's just a stupid fucking thing, maybe if he wasn't away so often he could do shit like this himself."

Dave nods, not really sure what to say in response, so he decided to say nothing. It was quiet for a second. Just two bros drinking their coffee so that they can actually function for the day. Dave was the first to speak yet again, "so when are you gonna go?"

"I guess I should get ready. He said to do it as soon as possible," Karkat whined, setting his cup down and making his way upstairs. Dave knew that Karkat really hated doing this type of shit for his Dad. He asked him to do stuff at home for him a lot. Karkat had often talked about how he wished his Dad would stay in town longer, but that just wasn't something that was going to happen. It was a little ironic how Dave was the exact opposite. All he wanted for Bro to do was go away, but he never would. But that's enough on that edgy thought.

Dave finished off his drink in a timely manner, setting the mug on the counter in case he decided he would want more. In the meantime, Karkat had brushed out his hair and changed into a pair of black jeans. He didn't want to take off the hoodie he was wearing though. It was the one Dave had given to him the night they had gotten together; He almost never took it off. He slipped on some high tops and made his way back downstairs. He snatched his keys off of the counter, "can I trust you in my house alone?"

"Absolutely not," Dave replied with a smug grin, which was so contagious it put one onto Karkat.

"If you break anything I'll hurt you," Karkat snapped back, making his way to the entrance.

Dave was quick with a comeback, "don't threaten me with a good time."

Karkat laughed, and then he was out the door.

When Karkat left, Dave knew this was the perfect time to do what he had planned for their two month anniversary. The original plans had been ruined since his Dad was back in town that weekend, so instead of what Dave had in mind, they just had a night on the town. It was nice though, so Dave didn't mind it too much. He knew that his original plan was super cliche, but it was definitely something he would love. He hadn't exactly pulled out the stuff he needed for it from his car, and now he was glad he didn't. It was time.

Time for Dave to make a pillow fortress.

He went around the house, gathering just about every single pillow and blanket he saw, piling them up on the couch. He knew exactly how he was going to make it work, but first he also had to fetch other materials from his truck. Dave grabbed his keys off of the kitchen counter and made his way out of the house. He unlocked the car, grabbing out boxes of string LED lights. This place was seriously about to look like a VSCO girl's wet dream.

Dave made his way back inside, finally having all of his ingredients gathered. Finally, he began to arrange everything. He set one end of the biggest blanket along the backside of the couch, then set the other under the TV, along with some heavy books to keep the sides from slouching. He pulled it tight and made it just as sturdy as he could possibly make it. Then came the inside. First, Dave made sure the roof of the fort was tall enough for them to sit under without it hitting their heads. When he marked it as good, he began to place a variety of pillows all over the place and using extra blankets for cushioning, but also making sure that they had a blanket or two to cover up with. Lastly, he strung up the small light strip around the edges of the blanket, using tac pins to hold them. When everything seemed perfect and sturdy, he grabbed some snacks and retrieved his laptop from upstairs to watch movies.

Dave had barely realized how much time had passed until he went back upstairs to grab his phone. Karkat had left around three, and now five was approaching. Dave was sure to call Karkat, just to check up on how things were going.

"Hello?" Karkat started.

"Hey. How's your grand adventure?"

Karkat sighed, "it's an absolute nightmare. I had to wait in the post office for like half an hour just to get this stupid little package. I just got done dropping it off to the lady my Dad asked me to take it to. She must've been expecting me because she literally made me a batch of cookies to 'show her gratitude.'"

Dave chuckled softly, "you know what, at least someone appreciates your effort."

"Yeah, no kidding... Anyway, I'm on my way back now. I should be there probably around six? Not sure, it depends on traffic."

"I'll be here waiting for you my knight," Dave joked, to which only got him an audible groan and an ended phone call.

Dave heard Karkat pull into the driveway and immediately hopped up to the door, wanting to see the impact on his little surprise. He opened the door, seeing his boyfriend walking towards him, "my humble knight returns."

"Yeah, yeah," Karkat airily wiped away his teasing, walking inside. Dave she the door behind him, but was sure to stop him before he walked into the living room.

"Okay, I have something to show you." Dave grinned, which gave Karkat a ton of confusion.

"Dave, what did you do?" 

He grabbed Karkat's hand as he led him into the living room, "tell me if it's too cliche but.." Dave trailed off as they finally were able to see the craftsmanship of his creation.

Karkat couldn't help but smile, "oh you absolute fucking dork."

Dave grinned after getting the affirmation that he liked it. He kept holding the other's hand as he led him into the aesthetic small space. Karkat crawled into the place, almost in awe of it. "You did all this for me?"

"Yeah, who else did you think I did it for? Your Dad?" Dave replied sarcastically, to which Karkat mostly ignored.

"Oh, and I just got Disney plus. We are watching Infinity War and Endgame I don't care what you say," Dave chimed in yet again. Karkat didn't disagree, he simply sat down beside Dave and leaned on his shoulder. Dave pulled up the sight on his laptop and found the Marvel category. When he found Infinity War, he clicked play.

Man, had they forgotten just how long those movies were. Almost six hours of absolute bliss, except for the fact that both the endings are sad. Dave, who had always been pretty invested in the movies, never failed to be heavily impacted. Those movies hit him hard.

Karkat looked up at Dave after hearing him sniffle, "Dave, are you crying?"

He did not deny it. "Shit's sad, okay?"

Karkat chuckled, sitting up beside him, "Oh my God, come here." Dave hugged Karkat for a second, but quickly pulled away. Dave pulled off his sunglasses and without showing his irises, he wiped off the tears from his eyes. Karkat was taken aback; he had never seen Dave without shades on ever.

Dave finishes wiping his tears, but oddly enough, he doesn't put the glasses back on. He just looks at Karkat, who's astonished by the bright, vivid color. His eyes are red. Karkat doesn't realize just how long he was starting for without a word, but finally spoke up.

"You know, I was beginning to think those were glued to your face."

A grin popped onto Dave's face as he laughed, breaking the small amount of tension that was built from the silence. Karkat placed his palm onto Dave's cheek, wiping away a stray tear he had missed. Karkat was so intrigued by his eyes, he loved them. He honestly wished he wouldn't wear his shades at all, but he knew Dave needed them. He had really long eyelashes, and Karkat was still mesmerized by the pigment of his irises.

"Karkat, I love you," 

Dave had an expression that could only be described as sweet. Karkat's cheeks were red with blush. Neither of them had shared those words yet, so the impact of them was so much stronger. Karkat'd smile was soft.

"I love you too."

The air around them felt still, as if time had stopped. It felt like they were the only two left on the planet. Both of them were thinking the same thing, the only question remaining was: who's going to act first? They both hesitate, but Dave places his hand on the side of Karkat's neck and pulls him close, and the moment their lips clashed, it felt like the world was finally in their favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like writing first kiss chapters and like cutesy chapters (i know, shocking), but this one drained the hell out of me. I've been writing for close to four hours straight so i dont have the capacity to make a good not. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. let me know if theres any errors i need to correct. Its 6am, im tired, i cant comprehend anything right now.


	15. Chapter 15

Karkat had honestly missed waking up by Dave's side. He started having to be at home more and more often, which neither of them liked. Dave would have to get whatever his brother threw at him and Karkat would spend the rest of the day alone. It was luxurious when Dave finally had a day where he could escape his house. They didn't even get to see each other outside of school on their three month. Dave immediately had to go home just to get the shit beat out of him. Karkat hated every single thing about his brother, and he wished Dave would get out of that shitty apartment. He knew Dave's reasoning on staying, but Karkat didn't think it was good enough.

Today was not Karkat's day. He was still stuck in bed, but he had already felt drained. There was no real reason other than a stupid chemical imbalance in his brain. Regardless, this day was not going to be good. He was supposed to start getting ready ten minutes ago, but instead, he just stared at his ceiling. The time seemed to pass by so slowly it almost felt like it had stopped. Karkat absolutely hated it, but it was time to stop sitting around.

Karkat pulled himself out of bed, making his way towards the bathroom to start his day. He rubbed some sleep out if his eye before flicking on the light and grabbing his toothbrush. Karkat watched himself brush his teeth in the mirror, thinking for a minute. His trains of thought were colliding into one, coming to a total halt at a conclusion he had found himself at before. He hated himself, everything about him. His attitude, his appearance, the way he walked, the way he spoke: all of it. There wasn't a single redeeming quality about him. He knew plenty of his friends would disagree with that, but that didn't matter. It's hard to change the way you think when you've been like that your whole life. Sure, maybe his friends saying he had redeeming qualities would make him feel a little better, but not for long. He always found himself back in the same hole he started it. It was scary, and really isolating. The thoughts and feelings he had felt so arbitrary, he had begun to think that no one really understood just how his mind worked. That was true, nobody understood how his mind specifically worked, but most of his friends had the same thought patterns and they could empathize with him. It always made him feel worse when he would finally say something about how dark his thought truly were. There was always an immense amount of guilt that followed, so he stopped. He knew it would only make him feel worse, so what was the point of it all? To hurt himself?

Karkat dragged himself away from his thoughts, trying to not dive into a hole that would make him feel worse than he already did. It was always hard for him to do that, but he had learned ways to do it over the few years he'd been like this. God forbid he tell his father. That would just be another conversation along the lines of "you need to let God into your heart." Yeah, bullshit. It's not that he had anything against religion, but he knew that some entity was not going to make his problems magically disappear. Karkat just hoped whatever kind of episode he was having right now would not get as bad as it had before.

He groaned, realizing he had got on that same train of thought again. Karkat tried to ignore it as best as he could, putting on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. It was really just his normal attire, so nothing would look suspicious, but he just didn't feel like trying today. He wore a pair on slip on vans and didn't bother to brush his hair. He snagged his phone and his keys before making his way out of the house.

It wasn't a really long drive to school, especially since his neighborhood was just off of the highway. He always looked one part of the side of the road. He had done it so much that it just became a habit. A cross and bunches of flower bouquets laid where Jade's car had crashed. Everyone seemed to be pretty torn up over it, and students were practically rioting over them not canceling school that day. All of it could have been avoided, but there's no way to turn back time to change what happened. Dave still wasn't really over it, but it's not like anyone expected him to be. He was destroyed for a long time. The entirety of that week he could barely even function. Karkat stayed with him as much as he possibly could then, and he got really worried when he had to leave Dave alone. At least now Dave seemed to at least have the ability to smile. He tried not to think about her, but sometimes he couldn't help but grieve.

Karkat pulled his car into his normal parking spot, finding it odd that Dave had gotten there before he did, but then remembered that he left a lot later than he usually would. He got out of the car, grabbing his phone and his book bag along the way. He pulled out his earbuds, untangling the wire before putting them in. He looked for a playlist and ended up choosing one called "pâro" to fit his mood. He hit shuffle play and it landed on the song Spanish Sahara by Foals. He slung his bag over his shoulder and locked his car before making his way towards the school's entrance. It wasn't too far away, so it wasn't like there was any sort of problem walking.

At least something was waiting there for him that might help his mood. Dave already looked like he was feeling great today, and Karkat had honestly wished he felt the same. When he reached their friend group's designated table, Dave wrapped his arms around Karkat's side, setting his chin on his shoulder. "Mornin'," he grinned, which in return made a small peak onto Karkat's lips as well.

"Morning."

They were a lot more affectionate after their first kiss, which was pretty cute in the eyes of some of their friends. The only thing Terezi was happy about them getting together for was her not having to hear them rant about how much they like each other anymore, yet they still did the same exact thing, only now would they actually both tell her then tell each other. She was living in a nightmare. At least they were happy together though.

"How in the world did I get here before you? I think the bell is supposed to ring any minute now," Dave pulled himself off of Karkat, going a few steps over to get his bag off of the lunch table and putting in on his back.

"I slept in today, so I was running late," He replied airily, shoving away what had actually kept him at home longer. As soon as he finished talking, the five-minute bell signaled for people to start making their way to class. Dave walked back over to Karkat, then they began their journey toward Karkat's first period. They only had one class together this semester, and all of their morning classes were across the building from each other. It was weird not having first period together anymore, but it was always bound to happen. Karkat's first period was film studies, which was great because it meant he could just sleep the entire class. The teacher was chill and didn't necessarily care too much about what you did in his class other than be quiet when the movie is on.

Dave intertwined his fingers with Karkat's as they walked. It made Karkat feel better without Dave even really noticing anything was wrong, or at least that's what he thought. Dave knew Karkat too well by now to know when he's not really doing too great. He wanted to be subtle with his approach, he knew he wouldn't get anything out of him if he just asked, so he decided it would be best just to try and cheer him up as best he could.

They stopped beside Karkat's classroom. Usually Karkat would just walk in, but today Dave stopped him. "You know I love you, right?"

Karkat looked up at him, kind of confused, "yeah, of course. Why?"

"I just wanted to make sure," Dave gave him a stupid little grin before giving him a quick, light kiss. Dave's tactics were working, Karkat did feel a little better. Dave flashed him one last smile and then began to walk away and Karkat watched him for a second before walking into the classroom. Maybe this day wouldn't be as bad as he thought?

He was wrong. This might have been the worst day of his life. Everything was going wrong, but not physically. Everything in his day had went on like usual, but the thoughts going through his head wouldn't stop. God, he wished he could make them stop. Karkat finally locked himself inside a bathroom stall, letting his bag drop to the floor as he plopped himself down on the toilet seat, letting his hands grip at his messy hair. He really needed to cry, but he didn't want to. At least not right now.

His eyes were already tearing up as his head continued to spiral. He didn't deserve any of this, all of the good things happening in his life. He didn't deserve a guy like Dave. He didn't deserve his friends and all that they did to try and help him stay sane. None of this was meant for someone who didn't have any meaning. None of it was meant for someone like him. Hot tears began to run down his cheeks as his breath felt shallow and his chest felt hollow. He desperately hugged himself, feeling as if his body was giving in on itself. This was the most empty he had felt in such a long time. It was almost kind of sad that this wouldn't be his biggest breaking point today.

He had never wanted his breath to stop more than right now. He wanted to leave all of this behind. It's hard to see what good things you have in front of you when you feel this way. Karkat wished he had nothing so he would have no reason not to. He was practically gasping for air as he tried to hold his breath in an attempt to keep himself quiet. This was hell. This was literal hell and he was living through every bit of it, no matter whether he liked it or not. Karkat violently wiped away his tears with his sleeve, trying to breathe and calm down. It didn't seem to be working well for him. He wished he make it all stop, this was never what he wanted. He didn't sign up for this. This wasn't living, this was misery.

After a few minutes, Karkat began to bring himself together. The bell was about to ring for lunch to be over, so he needed to fix himself up before he made his way to fourth period. He really didn't want Dave to know he'd been crying. Karkat didn't want him to worry. When he was done crying, he finally got out of the stall, and he was glad to see that the bathroom was empty. He splashed some water on his face, then running his palms down it. Just after deciding he was okay again, the bell conveniently rang.

"Hey, where were you at lunch?" Dave questioned as Karkat made his way into the classroom. They usually sat together with the rest of their friends every day, but Karkat was nowhere to be found. Dave already thought he knew where he was, he just hoped his intuition was wrong.

Karkat was quick to think of an alibi, "I had to make up a test I missed in history and I really didn't wanna stay after school."

Dave knew he was lying, but he wasn't going to press on it. He wasn't in a good mood, and it was really easy to tell, even if Karkat himself thought he was hiding it. Karkat sat in the desk beside him, setting his bag by the metal legs.

"You know, you can talk to me if something's wrong," Dave softly grabbed his hand trying to get through to him, but Karkat still refused to let him in just yet.

"I swear I'm fine, I just didn't get enough sleep last night."

"Karkat..." Dave ended up getting cut off by their teacher who walked in holding thick packets.

"Alright, today is the module two test. Everyone put away everything except a pen or a pencil," she was a sweet lady. She was young, only around the age of twenty-three. She taught mythology and Latin, which were two pretty unique subjects. Dave honestly liked mythology, some of the stories they learned about were pretty entertaining, but Karkat thought otherwise. He was never interested in things he was forced to learn, but some of them he really liked.

Dave started up again, "listen, you know I'm here for you..." He was suddenly stopped yet again.

"Dave, no talking. Tests are out."

Karkat and Dave walked out together like they always did, but today things were a little different. Karkat was a little distant and Dave was worried sick just wishing he would say something. 

"Hey, Davekat, get over here," Sollux had taken a liking to referring to them as one instead of them just individually. He was with Terezi, which meant it was probably something good. Karkat hated it, but Dave thought it was kinda funny. Dave, who was holding Karkat's hand, led them over to the two.

"What do you need e-boy," Dave snarkily replied.

"He does not need anything," Terezi immediately interrupted, "I'm having a party tonight, 10 till whenever the fuck it ends, you guys in?"

Dave was into it as soon as she spoke, "Oh hell yes we are in." Karkat rolled his eyes at that response, giving his own piece.

"I'm not," He looked up at Dave, "you can go, but I'm just not going."

"Oh come on babe, please?" He was practically begging him to tag along.

Karkat repeated himself. "No. I'm not going."

"It would mean the world to me if you did." Dave gave him little puppy dog eyes, pleading with him in hopes he would eventually agree.

Karkat hesitated for a second before letting out a long, audible sigh. "Fine."

Dave gave him a big grin and kissed the top of his head. "So anyway, we'll be there."

They finished up their convo with Terezi telling them she will text them the details and then they made their way to the parking lot. Karkat didn't have a good feeling about tonight, he had no idea why he finally caved. He should have stuck it out, but then again, who knows? Maybe they'll have fun.

"Karkat seriously, please talk to me. I know you aren't okay," Dave stopped him in front of their cars, wrapping his arms around Karkat's waist. He wanted to know what was happening, and he wanted to know if there was something he could do about it. Anything.

Karkat was quiet, looking down at Dave's chest, thinking of what he should say. He already knew what would take a load off of his shoulders.

"Dave, can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Can you promise me you won't drink tonight?" Karkat spoke softly, looking right at him. He wanted an honest answer, and that's how he was going to get one.

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man am I about to break your heart with this next one babes, have fun.


	16. invective.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW !!! alcohol abuse, arguments, and mention of car crash/death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if any of you care about this kind of thing, but I wrote this chapter to the song drowning by The Eden Project. It really, really goes with this chapter. It's a little crazy how much they go together, anyways I hope you enjoy this one.

Dave began his way to Terezi's without Karkat. He said he was gonna be around an hour and a half late, but it's not like you could be late to that kind of party. Dave had agreed to take him home that night because Karkat didn't have his car and he was nearby hanging out with Kanaya for a few. It was pretty cold tonight, so he hoped that Karkat wouldn't get too cold on his way there. He even offered to just come pick him up from where he was at, but Karkat told him that he didn't need to.

He wasn't sure what exactly they would do at this party, but he just hoped it would be fun for the both of them. Though, Dave would have a really tough time avoiding drinking, not because he needed to, but because parties were a lot more fun when you were under the influence. He was sure everyone else would be drinking too, which sucked because he loved acting dumb with his friends and having not a care in the world. He could use something like that, these past few weeks had been anything but easy. Dave was getting bested by Bro almost daily, and he had the bruises to show for it. Letting that stress go was his main priority at the moment. He almost regretted not putting up a fight before he made a promise with Karkat, but Dave already knew that he hated him when he was drunk. It would be really hard to make him budge on that.

As Dave's thoughts began to trail off, he pulled in front of Terezi's house. There were too many cars to park in her driveway, so that meant he'd stay by the curb. He turned off the ignition, immediately being able to hear the music from inside the home. She lived in a well-spaced out neighborhood, so she wouldn't receive a noise complaint. Dave grabbed his phone, checking the time as he opened his car door: 10:15 PM. It was pretty much a perfect time to get there. He locked his doors and made his way into the house. Terezi had told him to walk in as soon as he got there, no one would hear him knock on the door.

The house was lit up in a deep, neon red. It was honestly a little too much, but the other guests seemed to be getting a kick out of it. The place wasn't completely trashed seeing as the party had only just started. He knew there would be more people coming later on, there always was with parties like this. A bunch of teenagers raiding their parent's liquor cabinet and getting drunk off their asses, and from the smell it had seemed like some people were getting high too. Dave had never really found interest in getting high, even though it would definitely be better for him than poisoning his liver anytime he wanted to feel something. He had gotten high one time, and just decided it wasn't his forte.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Strider himself," Terezi was obviously pretty out of it, and Dave out of all people would be the one to tell. She seemed to already be having a blast though, "to what do I owe the honor?" Dave laughed at her, finding her a little too close to him.

"Sorry hun, but I'm off the market, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back," She thought that was pretty funny, but shoved herself off of him regardless.

"You want a drink?" Terezi was holding a red solo cup, offering it towards him. He had no idea what it was, but he definitely wanted it. He was longing that warm, fuzzy feeling as he began to fade away into someone he would never dare to be when he was sober.

"As much as I want to, I can't."

She snickered at him, "seriously? Dave, it's a party. When have you not drank at a party? Are you a pussy? Is that what's happening right now?"

Terezi had hosted her fair share of parties before Karkat had moved back into town. Dave would get so blacked out, he wouldn't even remember his first drink. According to all his friends, he did shit he would never do in his right mind. He had been told he was a hilarious drunk and had definitely committed a good number of crimes. Dave didn't know if he was surprised by that or not. Either way, Terezi was trying to get him to drink as best she could, but Dave only rolled his eyes at her calling him a pussy.

"No, I am most definitely not, sorry to burst your bubble." Dave shot back at her, but continued with an explanation, "I promised Karkat I wouldn't drink tonight."

Terezi let out a pained groan, then tried to think of ways around it, "Dave. Karkat won't be here for like literally ever. You can at least get a little buzzed, I bet Karkat wouldn't even notice. Come on I know you want it," Terezi taunted him with the drink, swirling it around in the cup.

Dave's inner monologue began speaking like wildfire. He was heavily hesitating, "come on Dave, you're seriously not about to do this, are you?" He thought to himself. "Dude, you promised him. You will regret it and you know that. You don't have any self-control, do you?" He seriously did not want to let Karkat down, but it was something so fucking tempting just sitting there for him on a silver platter. He just wanted to snatch it straight out of her hand and down it with no consequences. He really wanted to have fun tonight, and as sad as it was, he felt he couldn't have fun without it. Dave felt like he was on deal or no deal, trying to find the million-dollar prize only to be let down by opening one for ten dollars as he took the cup from her hand.

"Fuck it, one wouldn't hurt, right?"

God, that weatherman did not lie, it was really cold. Not so cold that it was below freezing, but the breeze sure made it feel like it was. At least he decided to wear a hoodie when he went over to Kanaya's. He felt a little better after ranting to her for a few. She was the only person Karkat genuinely found easy to talk to, maybe it was just because she had such a calming voice, but he had also known Kanaya for a long time and she was always actively looking out for him. If he had a problem within himself, Kanaya was his go-to. He would talk to Dave, but he knew that Dave would worry about him way too much. Karkat didn't want to put him through that. He would do anything for Dave, hence him going to a stupid party where he'd be surrounded by stupid teenagers who were all drunk off their asses. He wouldn't have gone if Dave was going to be drinking. He didn't like watching his friends become dumb and inebriated, especially when it came to his boyfriend.

You could tell where Terezi's house was from a mile away. The music was faint but progressively louder as he approached. He had wondered how her neighbors hadn't heard it yet. The party had been going on for an hour and a half, someone HAD to have heard what was going on by now. Karkat had only been to a few parties, all of them being when Terezi and Vriska practically pried him from his bed. He has definitely had his fair share of drinks in the past, but he hated drinking. The taste was gross and the influence it had on him was something he genuinely didn't like. There were some good memories from it though, but one haunting memory outweighed the rest. That was when he finally kicked the bucket on drinking for good, and had expected Terezi to do the same.

Karkat sighed as he reached the door to Terezi's house, not really wanting to go in. All he wanted to do was find Dave, just to be with him. Being around him was like free serotonin, and it was something he craved. Dave was everything to him, and he was really glad to have him. Karkat really hoped that he hadn't gone back on his promise, he knew he would lose his cool if he did, but he was hoping for the best.

He finally made his way through the door, already being annoyed by the thirsting teens trying to get all up in each other under the red light. He immediately began to look for Dave. There was quite a crowd, so it may not have been too easy to find him. Karkat knew her house almost as good as he knew the back of his hand, and his immediate thought was to go down to the lower floor. There seemed to be a lot of commotion coming from there.

As Karkat descended the stairs, he saw a huge crowd surrounded by what appeared to be a table. They were playing beer pong. He didn't know who the competition was between, but he knew one of them was Sollux. He was currently chugging down a cup of the putrid drink known as beer. It was kind of funny watching him get hyped about downing it so fast, he was obviously drunk as all hell. Then it was his turn, and luckily enough he got one in.

"Haha, come on Dave, drink up!"

Wait. You've got to be fucking kidding.

Karkat pushed his way through a crowd of people enthusiastically chanting for him to chug, and that's exactly what he did. Karkat watched him drink the entire fucking thing, and he even watched after the threw the cup to the ground in victory. Karkat was absolutely fuming. Why did he ever trust him to take shit seriously for once?

He walked up to Dave, glaring at him as he tried not to lose his cool in front of everyone. Karkat grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him away from the table and into an empty hallway that led to Terezi's parent's bedroom. Karkat stopped them both as they reached the end of the hallway.

"Babe, babe, what's the deal?" Dave was honestly confused, but realized after noticing just how mad Karkat looked that this was not about to be fun.

"Why?" Karkat firmly crossed his arms, his patience growing thin.

"Why what?"

"Why the fuck did you do this shit? You fucking promised me." Dave suddenly figured out what this was all about.

"Lighten up, it's fine. I'm not even that drunk." Karkat could tell that was a blatant lie. Karkat could point out that he was obviously not okay in the blink of an eye.

"Yeah bullshit. You were practically just tripping all over yourself. I know you Dave," Karkat's voice was stern, but he was still trying to keep as calm as he possibly could. He didn't want to fight here with Dave at a shitty party while he's drunk.

Dave's tone turned sour, "do you now?"

"Well I sure fucking hope I do!" Karkat had a bad feeling about tonight. He knew something was going to happen. This wouldn't have happened if Dave could have just resisted drinking for one fucking night. "Either way, you promised me. You fucking promised me you wouldn't drink."

"Why are you making this so much more than it really is?"

Karkat growled to himself, clenching his fists as he tried to contain himself. "Y'know, not once have I broken a single promise I've made to you. You've broken too many to count."

"So you don't trust me anymore?"

" I don't know what to think Dave!" Karkat finally let himself raise his voice a little, shrugging his shoulders before slamming his arms down to his side. Karkat felt like he was up to his boiling point, he was bound to explode any minute now.

Dave scoffed at him, "you're making such a big deal out of this."

"Because I don't like you when you're like this! I watched my friend fucking die from this shit, I don't fucking want that to happen to you! Are you braindead?"

Dave could feel himself begin to fuel his own anger. He was having fun tonight, he didn't need this kind of shit from anyone. "I don't have to take this from you," Dave snarled as he began to walk away, but he was pulled back by his arm right into the spot he was just in.

"You can't just run away from your problems."

"Well I'm glad you agree that you're a problem," Dave went for the low blows. He knew Karkat's weak points. He knew it would hurt him, and he was right. It felt like Karkat had just gotten a knife to the chest.

Karkat's rage only grew, "Excuse me?"

"And stop trying to fucking psychoanalyze me, just because I drink doesn't mean I've got shit going on. Can I not have any fun? I'm a fucking teenager for christ's sake," Dave began to spew straight-up bullshit.

"Dave, I wouldn't have said anything if you didn't promise me. I wouldn't have even bothered to show up." Dave knew that was true. Karkat was being transparent with him, while Dave still kept up his stupid fucking walls. "I have always hated you drink and you know that. You aren't you."

"How the fuck do you even know who I really am?" Karkat had never seen Dave so hateful. He never even knew that side of him existed. It was honestly terrifying. So terrifying that Karkat felt his stomach turn inside out as Dave spat out every word.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, how do you know I'm not acting? How do you know that the 'me' you know is actually me?"

Karkat's eyes were starting to feel teary, but his anger was taking over him. He had never felt so frustrated in his entire life. He hated this. "So you're saying you've been acting around me?"

"How else am I supposed to tolerate you?" Karkat felt that one deep in his heart. Dave was really pulling out everything he's got. It was devastating. Dave knew almost everything about him, so he knew how to hurt him. Karkat's eyes filled with puddles of water, one blink away from falling down his red cheeks.

"That's really fucking low," Karkat's voice went low as he threatened to choke on his words, "I know you're just saying that to piss me off."

"Am I?" Dave had his arms crossed, and his mouth curled downward into snarls of vituperation. Karkat's mind began to race. Maybe Dave was speaking the truth. Just earlier today he was telling himself he wasn't good enough for a guy like Dave, and all of this was just proving him right. Every single word Dave spat out onto him, he was believing. He was never good enough for someone like Dave, god how could he have been so stupid? Karkat wanted to collapse into himself, but he was still completely furious. He was like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode.

Dave began again, "I mean, keeping up with you is such a fucking chore and all you fucking do is pity me. I don't need you to do that."

Karkat was about to burst. "I'm just trying to help."

"Well I don't need your fucking help," Dave was speaking brusquely, his voice filled with filth. "I can do whatever the fuck I want and I can drink whenever the fuck I want. Stop trying to control me!"

And that was it, Karkat was finally had it. He piped up, yelling as loud and as volatile as he possibly could. "You still wanna know what happened to Vriska? Fine, I'll tell you. She was a stupid fucking drunk like you and she was driving under the influence and crashed. I watched her fucking bleed out of the hood of her car and not to mention I thought Terezi was dead too. How the fuck do you think she became blind?" Karkat was heavily breathing through his teeth, and it was almost like smoke was spewing from his mouth as he spoke. "I fucking care about you drinking because I don't want you in her fucking place!"

"But I'm not that dumb!"

Karkat laughed for a second, shaking his head in disbelief, "you goddamn drunks are all the fucking same. You already have Dave! Does that not jog anything in your memory? Or were you too fucking blacked out to remember?"

To Dave, it felt like Karkat was spitting poison at him. Every single word he fucking said was infuriating and he had enough of this. "I'm over this and I'm fucking over you."

Karkat felt the knife in his heart dig deeper and deeper. The tears that had been threatening to fall finally bid their farewell as they ran down his face. Those words made his entire body shatter into tiny pieces. This was truly the emptiest he had ever felt. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Dave kept quiet, not even looking him in the eye. He didn't even look like he had any emotion at all. Karkat clenched his fists so hard he felt he might break his fingers. He was so mad and confused and hollow: he didn't know what to do as he sat there staring at Dave. He waited for an answer, but he refused to give him one. Karkat decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Huh? Fucking answer me!" He screamed, feeling everything leave his body as he felt he knew the answer.

"What do you fucking think?" Dave yelled back.

"You're leaving me for alcohol, huh?" Karkat let out a sarcastic laugh, but nothing was funny. Everything was painfully real. Nothing could have ever told him things were going to come to this. He never wanted things to come to this. He felt his entire body ache at those words. Dave had been sitting there hitting his weak points this entire goddamn conversation, and Karkat had barely even touched anything about Dave. It was time to change that. He knew Dave's greatest fear, and out of sadness and rage, he spat it out.

"You know what? Maybe I lied. Maybe you are just like your brother."

Dave seemed to take that straight to heart, but it didn't only hurt him. Dave squeezed his fists tight, seething with rage, "don't you fucking dare!" He yelled, quickly confronting the smaller boy, towering over him. Karkat flinched and shielded himself, forcing his eyes shut preparing for the final blow as he began to cry from fright. He was horrified.

When nothing came, he opened his eyes, looking up at a terrifying version of Dave. Ironically enough, the entire notion proved Karkat's point. Karkat, who was once again pent up with rage, pushed Dave away from him, letting him stumble until his back hit the other side of the hallway's wall. Karkat stripped Dave's sweatshirt off of his body, throwing it at him. "Take it. I don't want it anymore," He spoke weakly, then made his way out of the goddamn house.

He was trying to keep himself together, but quiet streams flowed down his cheeks. He didn't have an expression, he was still so shocked with everything that had just happened that all he could feel was numb. Before he could get out the door, he was stopped by a really peppy Terezi, who obviously couldn't see anything was wrong.

"Is that you Karkat?" She spoke with a grin, "I didn't expect you to show up!"

"Please just leave me alone." Karkat's voice was so hollow and cracky that she almost didn't get what he had said.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

But before she could get an answer, Karkat had already slammed the door in her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like to hurt characters, can you tell? I've been doin it since i started my wattpad five years ago. anyways, welcome to the arc that started this entire fic. I've been dying to write this chapter for months. Expect chapter 17 soon, but chapter 18 might take me a bit and i might cool down for a minute. I've been staying up till around 7 AM just to finish and upload chapters and my sleep schedule is so fucked, so i'm going to try and fix it. i hope you guys enjoyed this one though (also notice how it's the only chapter with a name)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING !!!!  
> This chapter contains self harm and a suicide attempt. Please read at your own risk and please stay safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter seems a little messy or all over the place, because it kinda is. i really had to space out the times i wrote so it may seem a little muddy, or at least in the beginning.

Karkat was really wishing he had kept that jacket right about now. The cold air felt as if it was piercing through his skin and his arms were covered in goosebumps. He could hear his weeping echo back at him as he walked down the side of this empty street. Karkat was trying his best to choke back his tears, he hated being emotional in public, even if there was no one in sight. He was never good at handling things like this, but who was? The image of Dave towering over him tugged at his tears every time he closed his eyes. Karkat had felt so powerless from beneath him. Dave wasn't that kind of person, he would do that in his right mind... right? He would never hurt Karkat if he was sober, would he?

Karkat's feet followed one after the other, making his way down the dimly lit sidewalk. He had already been making his way back home for around twenty minutes, but his walk was still going to take a while, which made him regret not driving. He actively wiped away stray tears that threatened to turn to ice as they hit the cold air. It was getting harder and harder for him to keep himself quiet. Karkat felt like he was spinning, his own thoughts barreling at him like bullets shot from the chamber of a twelve-gauge shotgun. It got progressively harder for him to convince himself this wasn't his fault. It was harder to believe that this wasn't the world out to get him. Karkat had sworn off relationships a long time ago in fear something like this would happen. It's why he was so hesitant to be with Dave. He was the exception, and Karkat was coming to realize that was a mistake.

Nothing felt worse than how Karkat felt in this moment. Blame, guilt, and regret stabbing at him like daggers thrown at a spinning wheel, hitting their direct target: the target was his heart. Karkat had never felt this low. The hollow feeling he had felt earlier in the day was more prominent than it had ever been. He had always told himself to not be vulnerable, yet everything about Dave had broken off his self-made promise to do just that. If he hadn't been so open with Dave that week back in August, none of this would have ever happened. He should have never trusted him. He shouldn't have, but he wanted to. Karkat loved him, which only ended up hurting him. He wanted Dave more than anything, yet Karkat had gone and messed everything up.

Karkat gripped as his sides, his body feeling more and more empty with every breathy sob he pushed out. His lungs felt like they were collapsing as he shut his eyes tight. Saltwater poured off of his cheeks and onto the concrete as he kept on, beginning to hunch over onto himself as he walked. It was pitiful, it seemed when there was hope that he could finally begin to feel happy there was always something to ruin it.

He kept thinking about what Dave had said. Did he really only think of him as a problem? It's hard not to blame yourself for things like this when you rarely give your trust to anyone. He knew Dave, or he thought he did. Dave wouldn't do this in his right mind. That thought raced through his mind so many times, yet he still wasn't coming to terms with it. They say drunk actions are sober thoughts, but Karkat didn't want to believe that. He wanted to believe that this was a one-time thing.

Karkat anxiously scratched at his skin, his hands practically shaking. His phone was buzzing off the hook in his back pocket, but he couldn't bring himself to check the notifications. Whether from anxiety or the need to be in isolation was something he wasn't sure of. Karkat didn't want to see what people were saying, or if anyone had seen what had happened. There were so many people there, maybe Dave twisted the story and now everyone hated him. His mouth was dry and his palms were beginning to sweat. Every few seconds there was a new alert, and with each one he could feel his heart pump faster. Finally, Karkat grabbed the phone, turning it on and ignoring the notifications as much as possible while he tried to turn it on "do not disturb." Before he could turn it off, one of the banners caught his eye. There were multiple messages from Dave. He slowed his pace as he walked, feeling his legs want to cave in. Karkat wanted to collapse into himself, but he fought the urge and hesitantly continued. 

He clicked on the notification, seeing a few messages from Terezi and Aradia mixed in between the messages, but he ignored their messages and when straight to Dave's conversation.

\---- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 23:51 ----  
TG: if you want to be liek that then thts fien  
TG: but dont yu dare say that im lik ehim  
TG: you hav eno right to say somethign like that

Karkat debated whether to respond as small droplets of water dripped from his cheeks onto the phone screen. He quickly wiped them off and let out a shaky breath as he began to type.

CG: AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT ME?  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
TG: i dint compare yuo to an abusive asshole  
CG: YEAH.   
CG: YOU'RE RIGHT.   
CG: HOW FUCKING SILLY OF ME.  
CG: YOU ONLY TOLD ME I WAS A PROBLEM AND THAT YOU DON'T ACT LIKE YOUR "REAL SELF" AROUND ME BECAUSE YOU CANT TOLERATE ME.  
CG: MADE ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT FOR BEING UPSET YOU BROKE A GODDAMN PROMISE YOU MADE TO ME LESS THAN 10 FUCKING HOURS AGO.  
CG: CONVINCED ME THAT I WAS A FUCKING IDIOT FOR TRUSTING YOU WHATSOEVER.  
CG: BUT YEAH I WAS OUT OF LINE.  
TG: ur th one being such a fuckign ass about all of htis  
TG: all im doign is having fun  
TG: why do yuo have to go and make this a big deal?  
CG: TALK TO ME WHEN YOU CAN FUCKING TYPE PROPERLY.  
CG: ACTUALLY  
CG: DON'T.  
CG: JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.  
TG: whatevr  
\---- carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] at 00:04 ----

And just like that, just when Karkat thought he couldn't feel any worse, Dave had magically gone and made him do just that. His anxiety was so bad he was beginning to feel nauseous, his stomach curling up with each slow step. The cold air stung the back of his throat as he felt himself begin to breathe harder, but he quickened his pace anyways. He wanted to say more, but couldn't bring himself to. Karkat wanted to ask about his intentions. He wanted to know what would've happened if he hadn't left. If he hadn't had pushed Dave away from him, what would have happened? 

"I should've just stayed at home," Karkat spoke softly to himself, his voice cracking between vowels. 

His phone began to buzz again, even though he thought he'd turned it on do not disturb. It was a call this time. Karkat once again pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring at it for a second. His automatic thought was to decline, but it wasn't often that Aradia called him. Maybe she had seen what happened, or maybe she had been told about it and Dave had actually twisted the story. Karkat could feel his throat close up again as he declined the call. He wanted this night to be over, or maybe just for everything to be over. This entire night felt like more hell than he had ever been through, and he had watched Vriska bleed to death. 

Karkat had never felt more relieved than when he saw his street come into view. He had never wanted to be home more in his life, not to mention the fact that he was still freezing as Jack Frost nipped at his nose. Though, he would be a lot happier if he didn't have streams of tears rolling down his cheeks. The walk may have cooled off some of his anger, but his heart still hurt from what had happened. How could someone come to terms with this? Not to mention he had lost the person he was closest to during one of the worst depressive episodes he'd had in a while. Karkat was pretty much at a loss for what he should do.

Karkat pulled his keys out of his back pocket, grabbing onto the one for his front door. He finally stepped onto his porch, putting the key into the handle. He pushed the door open, closing it behind him and letting his back lean against it. Karkat could finally let himself go.

He had already let some of it seep out, but he had kept most of it in. His eyes drifted down towards his hands, they were shaking. Then, the dam holding back the sea of tears behind his eyes finally broke. He sunk down to the floor, cradling himself as if he was holding onto something he had lost, and he had honestly felt like he lost everything. Losing Dave was one of the worst possible things that could happen to him. Not only was he losing him, but he was losing all his friends too. There was no way anyone would believe Karkat, and it's not like anyone saw what happened. Getting people to side with him felt like a lost cause. Nobody cared enough to side with him, plus Dave was better than him in just about every way imaginable. He was sociable and friendly, he was always so carefree and didn't bother to surround himself with bad people. Everyone knew him, and almost everyone loved him. Karkat was a nobody compared to him. He should have just been grateful to be around someone like him. 

Karkat grabbed his phone, seeing the messages from people at the party and miscellaneous Snapchat notifications. What were people saying about him? They obviously had to be saying something, right? Karkat had pulled him away from a game of beer pong with a crow of people watching. Dave must have given them a reason as to why, right?

Karkat caved and opened up Snapchat, opening pictures he'd been sent of friends he really didn't know that well partying their lives away. Nothing too bad, in fact, it was really nothing bad at all. Then, he began watching stories from people at the party, and again, nothing was bad. Until he passed Terezi's.

"Of course they would be together," Karkat thought to himself.

Videos of her and Dave flooded his screen, and it looked like Dave had won that game of beer pong. That anger he had felt before began to rekindle it's old flame as he watched a bunch of drunk teenagers practically praise Dave like he was some sort of god. They seriously didn't know what he had just done before that win, did they? None of them knew, and if they knew, they obviously didn't care. Of course, who would fucking care, right? Karkat felt his grip onto his phone become tighter and tighter. He clenched his teeth as he watched that video play over and over again. 

The storm that had been brewing since that morning was swirling around viciously. Karkat flung his phone onto the ground, watching it slide away from him as tears continued to fall off of his face. He stood up, clenching his fists. He became like a hurricane, destroying anything and everything in his path. Karkat swiped everything off the side table by the door, moving into the living room. He grabbed the vase of flowers sitting on the coffee table, smashing it to the ground as he painfully choked out sobs. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths that felt hollow, it felt like he was gasping for air, yet breathing fine at the same time. Karkat regained his posture, walking over to the mantle and shoving everything off of it and watching the small decorations and picture frames fall to the ground.

"How could people fucking treat him like a god?" Karkat spoke under his breath. He paced through the room, reaching his hands up to grip at his hair. "How can they fucking glorify that shit? How are they so fucking clueless?"

Karkat's voice got louder and louder as he kept on, making his way to the bookshelf that sat beside his TV, grabbing the back of it and pulling it till it all came crashing down. Karkat jumped a little at the loud thud, a small noise of breaking glass in the mixture. His heart was pounding as he looked down again to see his still shaking hands. Karkat had never felt so alone and lost as he stared at his palms. He trailed his right hand down his left forearm, looking over old scars as he debated on what he should do. How do you recover from something like this? Why fucking keep trying when it feels like everything is already lost? 

He re-traced old scars, staring at his own skin blankly. Old habits die hard. He always knew he would be back here, in a headspace like this. No one was here to stop him or tell him no. In fact, nobody probably even cared enough to stop him. Two years of being clean, yet his skin still crawled to be damaged. There was no use in denying it, he needed to do this. He needed to feel the same release he felt so long ago, and now even more than ever.

Karkat scurried up the stairs and didn't even bother looking through his room. He was straight to Kankri's room, it wasn't like he was going to be back anytime soon. A while ago, Kankri had taken up sculpting for a school project and Karkat knew there had to have been something he'd left behind that would do the trick. He scavenged through the room as he cried silent tears, looking through beside tables, pencil pouches, and even his bookshelf before looking through the things on his desk, and there it was. A sculpting knife.

Karkat grabbed it and immediately went to the bathroom. Once he shoved himself into the room, he locked the door behind him. Though he already knew no one would be coming in anytime soon, it became a habit to lock himself in. He looked into the mirror, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, and his hair was a mess from tugging at it. His cheeks had clear, shining marks running down them from his eyes to his chin. He gripped his hand onto the scalpel, touching it to his skin as he stared.

"What will Dad say? And Kankri?" He began to think, but automatically began to shut that down. He didn't just want this, he needed this. This was something he had to do. "No one cares, just do it. Just do it. You deserve this."

Karkat pressed down, sharply dragging it across his skin. He hissed at the small pinch, but then felt relief. It seemed so morbid to say that it was a feeling that he missed. Though, the euphoric feeling is short-lived. He already knew one wouldn't be enough. He slowly watched blood begin to ooze out of his skin. The droplets begin to creep down his arm as he pressed the blade to his skin again. And again. And again. Over, and over, and over as he watched his own blood begin to drip into a puddle onto the floor. Karkat made another one for each thing Dave had said about him. He was a problem, and he was controlling, and he was only just a chore. The sight of Dave standing over him, looking down on him, still prominent in his brain. It was something he thought he genuinely wouldn't forget. Karkat was sad, and lost, and scared, and angry: everything was horrible. He wanted nothing more than for everything to be over. He was shaking more than before and found himself running out of space. Karkat dug deep into his skin, feeling as if he struck a nerve as he yelped out and his arm twitched. His left arm was covered, but yet he still needed more. He knew he was out of control, he knew the danger of what he was doing, and he knew this could kill him. His thoughts paused as he thought over his initial reaction to that.

"I wish it would."

He took the handle into his other hand, trembling as he bit his bottom lip to help drive away the stinging from his wounds. He noticed the smell of blood, and it was almost a little overwhelming, but he kept on regardless. His hand couldn't stay steady as he dug the small knife into his right arm. Blood gushed out from his previous cuts as he squeezed the handle. Karkat cried out in pain as blood seeped from the brand new cut. He squeezed his eyes shut as he prepared for the next one, and the one after that, and after that. He didn't even know how many he'd done. After a while, he had stopped keeping count. He let the small knife drop to the ground as his arms throbbed and stung. This wasn't enough. This was never going to be enough.

Karkat felt himself get a little lightheaded as he reached up into the medicine cabinet. Blood ran down his arm as he searched for something to do what he needed to do. He didn't want to deal with this anymore, he didn't want to be here anymore. Everything seemed to be going downhill so fast, and he wasn't looking forward to sticking around for the end of the road. He pulled out a bottle of vicodin. The doctors gave those to Kankri when he had broken his arm last summer, but there were only six left. 

Karkat popped off the lid and shoved the pills into his mouth, the taste of medicine staining his mouth as he debated whether to swallow them or not. Though that was short-lived, and he swallowed them dry. He took a minute leaning his back against the wall, letting the thick, crimson liquid drip off of his fingertips as his arms laid by his side. He took in a shallow breath, and exhaled a sigh as he grabbed a towel off the door's rack, wrapping it around his left arm and leaving his right one out in the open. 

He looked at the ground, staring at the red puddle surrounded by stray droplets and splatters. What would everyone say? Who would say his eulogy? Would anyone even be at his funeral? 

Would Dave be there?

No, why does any of that matter? Nothing matters when you're dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being inactive for two months, or close to two months i dont know exactly when i’ll finish this chapter. There’s been a lot going on in my personal life, and i’m usually pretty good at managing myself, but i have had so much to et through and so much to do over these past few weeks that writing wasn’t exactly the first thing on my mind. Please be patient with me, i really don’t think i can disclose exactly what’s going on in my personal life, but it affecting my mental health quite a bit so i’m really trying to but that in front of my writing. I’ve always been really bad with prioritizing what i actually need in fear that people will stop reading what i’m writing, but i know that’s just something i cant do this time. I do apologize for this long absence, i never expected to be gone for so long, but things just keep happening and making it harder for me to keep up my motivation. I’m working with my psychiatrist and my therapist to help me gain back my motivation, but again, until that time comes please be patient with me. I have no plans of abandoning this work, in fact, my plans are really far from it. I have the plot planned until the end, so i will finish this. Thank you guys for all your support throughout chapters, it really helps to give me at least a burst of inspiration to help me get through this long writing process. I will make an effort to try and be more active and write more.


	18. yet again, another update

So... it's almost been two months yet again. I wont lie to you guys, i've just barely started the chapter. My motivation for everything right now has been super low and i haven't even been able to finish any of my other projects either. I'm not saying i'll never finish this, but this chapter is just going to take me a while. I've procrastinated for this long now, and this next chapter is supposed to be at least 14k words. I need to keep reminding myself that this is my priority before bouncing around to different projects that i dont even end up finishing. I also do have an idea for another fic that i am really really into, but I won't be starting it until this story is finished, though I might change my mind on that because maybe writing it will bring back my passion for writing and suck me out of my writers block. And, as unbelievable as it may sound, this story is nearing its end. I know how I'm going to end it, but i never fully wrote the last part of the plot. I always wrote the plot on school because it was fun to do and it was something that i could actually focus on, but since school hasn't been in session, i never got to finishing it. don't worry, i know what i'm going to do, i just dont know how many chapters it will take. anyways, i got really off topic here, but i just wanted to tell yall that this story is def still in the works.


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